Flaw(less)
by Vonnuit
Summary: As Santana and Quinn's lives spiral out of control, they find respite within one another. But is it enough to keep them together? AU. (First fic, sorry about some of the pacing. I tried writing a chapter a day just because I wanted to prove to myself that I could finish it.)
1. Chapter 1

The first thing most people would notice about Santana Lopez was her body. There was no denying, the girl was gorgeous. Dark hair, tanned skin, tight body, and full lips that came together in a natural pout. Her curves. The next thing they would notice was the way she carried herself. The way she walked into a room. And these were all things Ms. Lopez knew. What she herself didn't know, however, and what most people would never bother to notice was what was underneath. And for now, Santana was okay with that.

_[\\]_

From the moment she opens her eyes, the first thing that becomes apparent to her is the overcast weather as she feels a chill creeping along her legs. She almost prefers it this way all things considering. She's in no mood to deal with bright, sunny weather, birds chirping, and all that other nonsense. She rolls out of bed, noticing the time. Her twisted bed sheets fall in disarray as she stands, serving as a reminder of last night's conquest.

As she walks over to the mirror on the far side of the room, she notes the dark circles under her eyes. She quickly works a brush through her matted hair. Still operating in a half-dream state, she decides to skip the make-up this morning. She throws on jeans and a t-shirt before pulling her hair into a slick ponytail. Before she walks out the front door, she makes sure to have the two things she never leaves the apartment without: her phone and her satchel. With those in hand, she unhooks the red coat hanging by the front door and braces herself for what awaits her outside.

Walking down the worn out sidewalks of her apartment, she notes to herself that today feels like one of those filler days that don't end up meaning much. Instead of walking briskly among the crowd with their briefcases and overworked cell phones, she keeps the languid pace of those that look a little less sure of themselves. She remembers how walking amongst the flurry of people used to excite her when she had first moved to NYC, but now she never looks up to notice any of them. As she waits on the platform for the subway to arrive, she shoves her tanned hands into her coat pockets.

_Damn. Should've brought gloves._

This had become a daily ritual for Santana. She was stuck. It had been something that plagued her throughout her adolescence and for most of her high school career. Even though she had felt as though coming to terms with her sexuality had solved part of the problem, the empty feeling had snuck back up on her just as she was about to graduate.

Maybe it had something to do with losing her romantic relationship with Brittany or being disowned by her family. She knew in her heart that wasn't true though. With Brittany, she had tried to hold on to her as long as possible because she was afraid of losing her best friend. Brittany had helped her discover who she really was, though ultimately she had also discovered that it wasn't enough for them to stay together. She was incredibly thankful that it hadn't destroyed their bond as they still remain close as ever. Even though losing her family had hurt Santana more than she cared to admit, a little part of her knew she would lose them the day she decided to come out of the closet. Idly, she had thought that college might have been able to keep her from falling into a rut but that hadn't exactly worked out either.

And so here she stands, waiting for the subway. And just like any other day, she prepares herself for the blaring mechanical sound as it pulls into the station.

_Right on cue._

People start rushing toward the end of the platform as the subways comes to a halt. The doors swing open and she is pushed inside with the group of people surrounding her. She grabs onto the first passenger handle she can find. Still lost in her own head, it takes her a moment to register the fact that someone is talking to her.

Groggily she shakes her head and stares down into the troubled eyes that await her attention.

"You're on my foot."

Still it takes a moment for Santana to process what the girl has said before quickly removing her foot from hers and muttering an apology.

"Sorry."

Maybe it's something in the way that she responds that makes the other girl's facial features soften a bit.

"Umm… You can sit down if you want."

The girl gestures to the cluttered seat next to her. She drags her satchel off the seat making room for Santana to sit down.

"When I got on this morning, it was surprisingly empty. I had forgotten it was there until only a moment ago."

Santana nods and sits down next to the girl as she rambles on.

"I guess people probably thought I was pretty rude taking up two seats." The girl sighs a soft little sigh to herself and it's only now that Santana allows herself to look at her, distracting herself from her clouded thoughts. The first thing she notices is the pretty blonde hair that cascades down her alabaster skin and falls down to her shoulder blades. Next, her full lips and striking hazel/green eyes, the color of which she can't really make out in the dim lighting of the tunnels. Her facial features are soft and lovely but well defined, reminding her of a girl she once saw in a painting. Santana smiles to herself, appreciating the beauty of the girl. The blonde doesn't seem to notice, which relieves Santana as she lets herself relax a little bit more.

"Thanks," she finally replies. She watches as the girl's eyebrows shoot up in surprise as if she never expected her to respond. The girl perks up a bit and a tiny self-satisfied smile flirts across her lips.

"So where are you headed this morning?" The blonde asks as she plays around with the iPhone in her hand.

"Who wants to know?" Santana quips light heartedly. She notices as the girl's eyebrows shoot up in surprise once again. She holds in a little laugh noting she enjoys being able to surprise her.

"Gee, you're a friendly one, aren't you?" The girl smiles to herself as she continues typing away on the keypad of her phone.

"Not usually." Santana answers knowingly. "But I have my moments." A confident smile crosses her lips.

The girl turns to look at her a bit quizzically before losing interest in her phone and deciding to focus her attention on the girl sitting next to her. Feeling the girl's gaze upon her, Santana quietly wonders to herself if today was really the best day to skip make-up.

"I'm Quinn."

"Santana."

"Pretty." As the blonde says it, she sees slight smile on the other girl's lips.

"So what brings you to NYC?"

"Who wants to know?" Quinn teasingly shoots back at her. She seems to doubt herself as she says it though because she quickly finishes with, "I'm just visiting."

Santana gives her sideways glance.

_Perfect._ _I could use a distraction._

"Nice. Well, if you get bored or just get tired of being surrounded by assholes, you should stop by a club called Fusion Wednesday or Thursday night. That's when I work."

Quinn nods with a questioning glint in her eye. Her eyes follow Santana as she stands up and the subway comes to a halt.

"My stop." She gestures toward the opening doors.

And with that, she steps onto the platform feeling the blonde girl's eyes follow her as she walks away.

_No turning back, Lopez. Play it cool._

_[\\]_

The door to the small boutique swings open as the sound of a bell goes off, preceding Santana's entrance.

"Hey Britt, I'm here!" She calls out as she heads behind the counter to put away her satchel and remove her coat.

A voice from one of the back rooms calls out, "Be there in a sec!"

Santana sits on the bar stool by the register as she waits for her friend.

"San!" The blonde rushes over to her to greet her with a hug. "How was last night? You kinda don't look so good… Well, by Santana standards, anyway."

The darker haired girl frowns but then smiles, deciding to take it as a compliment. "It was okay for me. I totally rocked her world though."

Brittany chuckles at her friend's modesty (or lack thereof), "I'm sure you did."

"So did you and Rachel get home alright?"

"Yep! She told me to tell you that if her and Richard ever break up that she's off limits from you and your lady charms."

A mortified expression immediately appears on Santana's face. "As if! I'd rather love up on Smeagol than that little Jewish hobbit."

"The fact that I got you to watch Lord of the Rings with me is one of my proudest accomplishments."

"It was awful. Cate Blanchett wasn't on screen nearly enough. I had to start pretending Orlando Bloom had a vagina."

Brittany chuckles. "Just F-Y-I, your blonde obsession gets kind of scary sometimes."

"It's not an _obsession_. I don't discriminate… I just have a weakness for blondes… Speaking of which, I saw a pretty hot one on the subway today."

The other girl's eyes immediately light up, "Ooohh! Spill!"

_[\\]_

It's dusk when Quinn finally arrives outside the tall brick-building apartment. She barely has time to press buzzer before she sees the beautiful brunette boy running down the stairs to greet her.

"Quinnie!"

Quinn squeals in excitement. "Jeremy!"

She drops her satchel and jumps into the boy's arms, hugging him tightly.

"I've missed you so much," she sighs breathily into his hair.

He sets her down and gives her a wide smile. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Well, are you going to let me into your apartment or what?" She teases.

"Of course, milady."

She smiles at him. "Always the gentleman."

Quinn picks up her satchel and follows the boy to the third floor.

As they enter the apartment together, she notes how small it is compared to her apartment back home.

Jeremy seems to pick up on her thoughts because he adds, "And believe it or not, this is big by New York standards."

She laughs. "I thought you were exaggerating when you told me about it before. It is really nice though. Comfy."

"Well, we aim to please. Let's get you settled in."

Quinn spends the rest of the night unpacking most of her things. She feels the exhaustion set in as she sprawls across the bed. The other side of the bed dips as Jeremy lies down beside her.

"I bet you're tired, huh?"

"You can say that again."

"So how do you wanna celebrate your first official day in NY tomorrow?"

"Hmm…" The blonde rubs her eyes trying to keep herself awake. "I don't know. You can decide."

"Well I guess we better get all the touristy stuff out of the way first. We can do that during the day and then I'll take you out tomorrow night."

Quinn nods. "Sounds good... By the way, have you been to a club called Fusion? Some girl on the subway told me about it on my way over here."

"Oh, Fusion. Yeah, I've been a couple times. It's pretty popular actually."

"She told me she works there Wednesday and Thursday nights."

Jeremy seems to be lost in thought before adding, "She must be pretty hot."

Quinn laughs and slaps him gently on the shoulder, "Why do you say that?"

"It's kind of an unspoken rule. If you work in big clubs like that you have to be at least an 8… Maybe a 7.5 if you're lucky," he adds with a grin. "So on a scale of 1-10 where—"

"Oh shut up." Quinn says with a smile. "You can't keep it in your pants, can you?"

"So did you want to go? Tomorrow's Wednesday, your friend would be there."

The blonde girl sighs as she stares at the ceiling. "I guess so. I mean, if I'm going to be in New York for a little while, it would probably be nice to hang out with some people other than you every once in a while." She nudges him in the ribs as he laughs.

"I'm down... Heeeey, maybe you could hook me up with her. Win, win."

"Actually I don't think you're her type, if you know what I mean."

"I've turned girls straight before."

Quinn's mouth drops open in amused horror. "I'm going to be slapping you a lot, aren't I?"

Jeremy grins at her.

"And besides…" Quinn adds teasingly. "I saw her first."


	2. Chapter 2

The sun shines in through Santana's bedroom windows. The sound of Nicki Minaj's Pound the Alarm disturbs her from her sleep.

"Fuck you, Brittany," she groans into her pillow. Her eyes pop open as she remembers the girl sleeping next to her. She quickly answers the phone.

"Brittany, what the hell!" She hisses into the phone. "Hang on a second."

She hears Brittany's muffled laughter as she gets up out of bed and moves quietly outside the bedroom, making sure not to wake the sleeping girl.

"Okay, what do you want?"

"Good morning to you too, sunshine." Brittany says in a singsong voice.

"You know happy morning people irritate the fuck outta me. What's up?"

"I just wanted to check up on you and let you know I won't be able to meet up with you tonight. Dance thing."

"Damn. I'll miss having my wing woman there. But at least you have a very good excuse. Nice going by the way."

"Thanks, I'm excited about it!" Brittany pauses. "Waaaaiiittt, we didn't go out last night, where did you pick up a girl?"

"What girl?" Santana asks innocently.

Brittany's silence on the other end of the line lets Santana know she isn't falling for it.

"Ok, this is embarrassing…" Santana responds, a hint of color reaching her cheeks. "But after we parted ways yesterday, I got hungry and I decided to eat at Applebee's—"

"You picked up a girl at Applebee's?!" Brittany asks incredulously, "Aren't there children there?"

"OK. You're making this sound a lot worse than it is. And for your information, _she_ was hitting on me as she was recommending which salad—"

"She's a waitress?!"

Santana frowned a bit. "If you would stop interrupting me—"

"Wow, San. I don't even know what to do with you sometimes. I feel both proud and disgusted at the same time."

Now it was Santana's turn to chuckle. "Seems about right. I gave her a nice tip though."

"You have serious issues."

The darker girl nods and responds a bit more seriously this time, "I know."

Brittany seems to pick up on her change of tone and bounces back with, "Well, is she hot?"

Santana nods in spite of herself. "Oh yeah, think Liv Tyler…" A look of horror crosses her face. "Wow. Referencing Lord of the Rings two days in a row is _not_ okay. I feel dirty now. I'm going to go take a shower."

"That's what makes you decide to shower?" Brittany teases. "And here I thought all the sweaty sex you had last night might—"

Santana hangs up as she hears movement from behind the bedroom door. She quickly sends Britt a text message.

**She's up. Ttyl babe. xP**

The brunette quickly adjusts her clothing before re-entering the bedroom.

"Morning," she says somewhat awkwardly. "Do you need anything? I can make some toast or something…" She offers half-heartedly.

Thankfully, the girl seems to be on the same page as she's already walking about picking up her clothing.

"No it's okay, thanks anyway." She flashes Santana a smile. "And thanks for last night."

The girl is fully dressed now and walks toward the Latina and wraps her arms around her neck.

"Call me if you wanna hook up again, ok?"

Santana wraps an arm around the girl's waist and gives her a small kiss on the lips. "Sure, babe."

The girl seems satisfied with her answer and pulls away from her. "I'll show myself out."

The Latina breathes a sigh of relief once she hears the front door close. She walks into the bathroom and gives herself a once over in the mirror. She isn't too sure if she likes the girl who stares back at her but before she gives it any more thought, she strips and steps into the shower.

_[\\]_

Quinn blows on her hands to keep them warm as she sits on a bench in Central Park with Jeremy. "Wow, it's lovely out here."

"I knew you'd like it."

"I'm not too sure how I feel about this hot dog though." She scrunches up her nose. "It's really good but I feel guilty now."

"Relax, one hot dog isn't going to kill you."

"You're such a guy sometimes."

"I thought you liked that about me?" Jeremy pauses before continuing. "So what did your mom say about you coming out here?"

Quinn's face darkens a bit. "She's okay with it, not that she really had a say it in anyway…" Her voice trails off before she grins back at Jeremy. "But let's not talk about that right now. I came out here to have some fun with you. I'll figure things out later."

He nods understandingly and knows not to push it any further for right now.

"So are you thinking you'll go with the cliché I heart NY t-shirt or the statue of liberty foam crown?"

She laughs and responds enthusiastically. "Um, bring on the foam crown, please!"

_[\\]_

The club is especially busy tonight. Neon colored lights flash wildly on the dance floor as people sway more (or less) to the beat of the bass heavy pop tracks. Santana laughs to herself and shakes her head as she watches some guy trying to pick up a girl way out of his league.

_Good luck with that, buddy._

"Hey, brown eyes," Some guy drunkenly slurs in her direction.

_This should be good._

"What can I get you?" She shouts over the loud music.

"How about a Dirty Mexican?" He chuckles as he shoots her a sleazy smile. Boldly he places his hand on top of Santana's. When he looks back into her eyes though, he gulps and his hand grows cold as he realizes that this might not have been the smartest move.

"Wow. A) Do you really think I haven't heard that one before? B) I'm Puerto Rican you ignorant motherfucker. C) Touch me again, and I will go Lima fuckin' Heights on your ass. D) Pay your tab now and I suggest you leave a _generous_ tip or option C is going to happen regardless." With that, she pulls her hand out from underneath his.

The man's stunned expression is still on his face, as his brain doesn't seem to be processing her words at a normal rate. "Lima, what?" He asks dumbly.

"Money. Now."

He seems to be up to speed now as he hurriedly grabs his wallet from his back pocket. "All I have is—"

Santana snatches the $100 out of his hand. "That'll do." When he doesn't walk away, she finishes the exchange with a sarcastic, "Thanks, come again." He seems to finally get the hint as he trudges off to a different end of the club.

_Fucking old bastards._

A soft voice interrupts her thoughts. "Um, Santana, right?"

Santana turns her head and gives a wide smile. "Subway girl."

Quinn returns her smile, "I'm not sure I'm sold on the nickname. It'll only make me think of those $5 foot-long commercials—"

"Speaking of foot-longs…" Jeremy comes up from behind Quinn and wraps his arms around her shoulders. "Hey, ladies."

The blonde girl scrunches up her face before slapping him on the side of his arm. "You're truly disgusting."

He grins and turns his attention toward the Latina behind the bar. "And you must be Santana. God, you really are insanely hot."

"Thanks," Santana responds as she gives Quinn a somewhat confused look.

"Oh, this is Jeremy," she adds. "He's my cousin. I told him about meeting you the other day."

"Yeah, only you didn't tell me how hot she was."

Playing along, Santana pretends to be hurt, "You didn't tell him I was hot?"

Quinn blushes slightly. "I didn't tell him cause he had already assumed you were since you worked here…" She looks up at Santana as she finishes, "And it's not like I could really argue with him."

"So can I buy you a drink, Santana?" Jeremy offers.

The darker haired girl chuckles at his persistence and shakes her head. "Sorry Romeo, I'm more of a Juliet kind of girl," she says as she turns her attention back to Quinn.

Jeremy holds his hand over his heart. "Ah, all the best ones are. Can't blame a guy for trying. Well, I'll let you ladies catch up. I'm sure someone around here is looking for a Romeo."

"Good luck." Santana says with a smile.

"Yeah, get lost, jerk." Quinn teases. They watch as he disappears into the crowd.

After a couple moments of awkward silence, Santana offers, "Let me get you a drink… I just received a very generous tip from one of my customers and I like to see my money put to good use. What'll it be?"

Quinn smiles, "Hm. A cranberry vodka sounds good."

"Coming right up." She feels the blonde girl's eyes watching her as she works.

"So do you like working here?"

"It's alright. I make some decent money and I'm surrounded by music and alcohol. And occasionally, like tonight, pretty women." She sets the drink down in front of her. "So to answer your question, it's not so bad."

Quinn sips on her cranberry vodka before responding, "You're a little bit too good at this, you know?"

Santana laughs and shakes her head. "I'm really not actually. I might be good at this part but I don't really do relationships... I try to be upfront about that to avoid hurting people."

The blonde girl keeps the drinking straw in her mouth as she studies the darker haired girl, almost as if she was a puzzle that she's trying to solve. She finally responds with, "So let me get this straight… You invited me down to the club so you could make me a drink and then tell me you don't want a relationship?"

Now it's Santana's turn to blush as she realizes it does sound a bit ridiculous when she puts it like that. "Well—"

"I don't get a dance?" Quinn shoots her a teasing smile.

The darker haired girl lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding, and returns the smile. "Of course. I'll get a break in a few minutes."

"And I'll be right back," the blonde girl announces as she disappears into the crowd.

Santana shakes her head in amusement.

_Women._

Quinn returns a few moments later with a big smile plastered on her face. "So are you ready for this?"

"You being all mysterious and weird is kind of making me doubt myself." The darker haired girl teases.

"Oh, just come on." She grabs the Latina's hand and drags her onto the dance floor just as Buy U A Drank by T-Pain starts playing. Santana cracks up.

"Oh my god. Throwback!" They both start singing along to the song as they goof off for each other.

_"I'ma buy you a drank,_

_I'ma take you home with me, _

_I got money in the bank, _

_Shawty what you think 'bout that,_

_I'll be in the gray Cadillac."_

The crowd closes in around them, as the effects of the alcohol seem to set it amongst the other club patrons. One of the guys nearby them stumbles into Quinn sending her forward a bit. Santana grabs her by the waist to steady her.

"Hey watch it, asshole!" The darker haired girl shouts at him. Quinn doesn't seem to mind as she's too caught up in the feeling of Santana's arm around her body. She leans into the touch for a moment as she notices the vanilla scent of her skin. Getting caught up in the moment, she traces up the tanned skin of the other girl's arm with one of her fingers. The girl shivers at the touch, not really expecting it. When the blonde girl's eyes travel back to her face to meet dark brown ones, she realizes that she now has Santana's full attention.

Quinn blushes a little bit and straightens herself up. "Thanks," she mutters.

Santana pauses, not really sure of what's happening to her. Suddenly, her whole body feels awake. She shoots Quinn a smile and grabs her arm as she leans in, using it as an excuse to touch her again, "No problem," she says into her ear. The blonde girl smiles and they continue dancing together.

As she drops her grip on the girl's arm, the feeling begins to set in. Parts of her that she hadn't known existed before now are responding to the heavy thump of the bass, and anticipating Quinn's every movement. As if some feeling that she wasn't aware of had been hiding, dormant inside of her, waiting for something to awaken it from its slumber.

And it feels _so_ good. It feels like she's on a high; one that she doesn't want to come down from any time soon. So she keeps dancing as she revels in every smile and laugh that comes from the beautiful girl's lips, the warmth of her happiness emanating from her body. She feels it as the girl grabs onto her from laughing too hard, and the heat shoots straight to Santana's heart, melting it just a little bit further with each passing touch.

For the first time in a long time, Santana feels _alive_.


	3. Chapter 3

Quinn busies herself straightening up Jeremy's apartment as she waits for him to get off work. Even though they made dinner plans for tonight, she has time to kill and the apartment is getting kind of stuffy. She groans as she plops down on the couch. She knows her thoughts will stray to Santana if she has too much time by herself.

It's been two days since they saw each other and Quinn starts to wonder if maybe the brunette just wasn't feeling it. At the end of the night, they had decided to exchange numbers but the blonde girl hadn't heard anything from her yet.

_If she wasn't feeling it though then why did she smile at me like that? Am I supposed to text her first? You really are hopeless sometimes._

She laughs at herself. A part of her knows that getting involved with Santana is probably not the best idea not only because of her limited time in NY, but also because she can sense that the girl is going through some stuff. Another part of her, the biggest part, isn't ready to give up on her quite yet. Besides, it would be a shame to leave New York without at least getting a kiss. Having made what feels like a resolution, she decides to text her.

**Hey, what are you up to?**

She turns on the TV, deciding it's probably better than just sitting there waiting for a response. Some reality show is on but she can't distinguish which one it is. A few moments later, her phone buzzes.

**Nm. You?**

Without giving herself time to think about it, she texts back.

**Bored. Rescue me?**

The sound of people fighting onscreen causes her to look back up at the TV. Two people have broken noses and one is being sent to the hospital by the time she gets Santana's response.

**Meet me at a Luvio's Coffee Shop around 5. I have a surprise for you. :)**

Excitedly, Quinn gives out a small squeal before calming herself down. She checks the time. Hurriedly, she re-applies her make-up from this morning before grabbing her things and rushing out the front door.

_[\\]_

When she arrives at the coffee shop, there is already a pretty sizable crowd gathered. Most of the tables and chairs are taken and she doesn't see Santana anywhere so she decides to stand. She checks the time, realizing that she's late after getting lost on her way here. She pulls out her phone to text her when she's interrupted by the sound of a familiar voice.

"Hey everyone, thanks for coming out tonight. We really appreciate it. This is going to be our last song of the night, it's called Love is a Losing Game." A couple of people cheer and catcall. "I know, right? Who doesn't love some Amy Winehouse?"

Quinn stands rooted in place, trying to overcome her surprise and wrap her head around what's happening. She knows that voice. Santana's voice. The band has already breezed through the intro of the song when the smooth, velvet voice begins to sing.

_"For you I was a flame, _

_Love is a losing game, _

_Five story fire as you came, _

_Love is a losing game."_

The sound cuts through Quinn as she hears the emotion in her voice. She begins to push her way through the crowd so she can get a glimpse of the girl.

_"Self-professed… profound, _

_Till the chips were down, _

_Know you're a gambling man,_

_Love is a losing game." _

Quinn finally catches sight of the girl, sitting on a barstool at the front of the room. She looks like she belongs up there, sure of herself and the words that she sings. For some reason, the blonde girl feels like this is Santana's way of showing her a side of her not many people get to see. And it makes her feel special.

_"Over futile odds,_

_And laughed at by the gods_

_And now the final frame…"_

Santana's dark brown eyes meet Quinn's as she sings the final line and her lips break out into one of her killer smiles.

_"Love is a losing game."_

People clap and cheer as the song finishes.

"Thank you all for coming out. See you next week." Santana says as she jumps off the barstool, and within seconds is in front of Quinn. "Hey, you."

Quinn laughs, "Hey. You looked good up there."

"Looked good or sounded good?" The darker girl nudges her playfully.

"Both." They exchange a shy smile.

"Can I get you a beer? There's a pub on the corner."

"A beer sounds good. It's on me though. As a thank you."

Santana quirks her eyebrows. "For what?"

"For letting me hear you sing. You're amazing… I mean it." The darker haired girl touches Quinn's arm as a slight blush flushes her cheeks.

"Thanks… Let me say goodbye to the band and then we'll be on our way." The blonde girl nods and is surprised when she feels Santana pulling her along with her, gripping her firmly by the wrist. "Hey, guys. This is my friend Quinn. We're going to head out now."

Among the three guys on stage, the scruffy one with the curly blonde hair responds with a sly smile. "Nice catch, Lopez."

"Shut it, Jimmy. If you stare at her ass on the way out, I _will_ be reporting you to your girlfriend."

He shakes his head and then turns his attention to Quinn. "Good luck with that one." He says teasingly. Quinn half laughs, half blushes in response. They say their final goodbyes and then head out into the night air, walking side by side.

"So what brings you to NY?" Santana asks, breaking the silence.

"I just want to have some fun while I can."

"Really, though?"

"I thought you weren't into this kind of stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

"The kind of stuff that leads to relationships."

"I'm not."

"Well, then. Kiss me."

"What?"

Quinn reaches out to take the darker girl's hand before saying it again. "Kiss me."

Santana drags her into the alley nearby and pushes the blonde against the wall. She watches as the girl's breathing increases as she waits with anticipation. The Latina teases her by brushing her lips against hers before finally going in for the kiss. Pushing her body up against Quinn's, she deepens the kiss until she feels the girl's lips pull apart, allowing her tongue entrance. Gently, she traces the inside of her mouth, allowing herself to taste the girl. Before the blonde can release the soft moan building up inside her throat, Santana steals it with another kiss.

_[\\]_

The pair of them fall onto Santana's bed, breathing heavily. Quinn wiggles out of her jacket and removes her top with Santana's help. The brown-eyed girl takes a moment to appreciate the blonde's body before planting feverish kisses along her neck as she stops occasionally to suck on the places where she feels Quinn's body respond with pleasure. Santana lets her hands appreciate the warm skin underneath her as she brushes her fingertips over her stomach, up to her breasts.

The sound of Pound the Alarm interrupts them, the phone bouncing wildly in the pocket of Santana's jacket. She feels Quinn hesitate.

"Are you going to get that?"

"I don't want to," Santana breathes into her neck. The phone quiets itself. Sensing Quinn giving herself back over to her, she takes off her own jacket and throws it onto the floor. She goes back to preoccupying herself with the soft, inviting body underneath her when she hears Pound the Alarm shrieking at her once again. Frustrated, she lets out an exasperated sigh. "Sorry. If she's calling twice, it's probably important."

She crosses the room to retrieve her phone from her jacket.

"Hey Britt, what's up?"

Quinn watches from the bed, as the girl on the other end of the line seems to be trying to explain something to Santana that she isn't quite processing.

She hears a break in the darker girl's voice as she says, "What?" Even though Quinn can only see half of the girl's face, the pain that it wears is clear as day. The blonde girl picks her top up off the bed and gets redressed as she hears the conversation finishing up. "No… It's okay, Britt…" And something in her voice as she says her goodbye, betrays her both to Brittany and Quinn. "I'll be fine."

Santana stands like that for a while, forgetting the girl on the bed.

A few moments later though, her soft voice calls her back to the real world. "Is everything, ok?"

Santana shakes her head noncommittally as she sets the phone on the dresser. "My Abuela… my grandmother… she's dead." And something about saying it out loud causes Santana to panic.

Her body breaks out into a cold sweat. The room spins. Her stomach lurches, suddenly feeling as if everything inside of her is made of acid. It makes her gag, almost to the point of making her sick but she tries to hold it down. She runs to the bathroom before she finally releases it in the toilet. Her hands shake as she pulls herself up and makes her way over to the sink to rinse her mouth out. Only now as she looks into the mirror does she notice the tears that stream down her face.

And that's when it hits her. Her knees buckle underneath her weight and she falls to the floor. She lets the distressed sobs break from her body, coming out of her in waves. The cold ceramic against her skin only makes her feel the loneliness that much worse as she feels she's about to be sick again. Before she can get up, a delicate pair of arms wrap around Santana's body. The way she feels the heat radiate from them, she _knows_ they belong to Quinn. She clings to them, her body suddenly feeling very fragile. The self-loathing that comes over Santana is immediate and sharp. She hates how vulnerable and small she feels in front of the girl right now. She wants desperately wants to run away but she fights the feeling with everything inside of her, finally giving herself over to her touch. Fingers and fists grab and pull on the blonde girl's clothes as they beg her for something that can't quite be put into words. As if the feeling of Quinn pressed against them is the only thing keeping the broken girl they belong to from losing herself completely.

They stay like this a very long time. Neither of them speaking a word. Santana's breathing eventually slows as she drifts off to sleep, her body overcome with exhaustion.

The blonde watches the girl sleep as she holds her in her arms, wishing more than anything, she could take away some of her pain. Seeing the girl in this state suddenly makes everything _real_. She realizes, sadly, that things will be different between them now.

_Can't escape the real world for too long, can you? Silly girl._


	4. Chapter 4

Santana is running; something or someone is chasing her. She can't make out who or what it is but she knows that if it catches her, something very bad is going to happen.

"Santana!" A voice screams out behind her. When she turns, she sees the face of her Abuela looking at her, terrified.

It's too late though. The ground beneath her feet has disappeared. She tries to scream but nothing comes out. She just falls, falls, falls…

Into silence.

_[\\]_

Santana wakes up in a cold sweat. She looks around still recovering from her nightmare. As she takes in her surroundings, she calms down and falls back into her bed, which causes her to pause.

_I don't remember getting into bed._

She looks around for signs of the blonde girl from last night but as far as she can tell, she's gone. She breathes a little sigh of relief, thankful to have some alone time right now. As she glances at the alarm clock to check the time, she notices a piece of paper sitting on her nightstand. Cautiously she picks it up, not sure whether or not she wants to know what the note contains. She gives it a once over, noting the neat, cursive penmanship.

_Quinn would be the only early twenty something alive to still use cursive._

After hesitantly toying with it a bit, she allows herself to read it.

**_Santana,_**

**_Don't be mad._**

She sighs. Well this sounds promising.

**_I called Brittany because I was worried about you. Don't worry; I didn't go through your texts or any creepy shit like that. Anyway, she told me you have Sundays off so we're both going to check up on you throughout the day to make sure you're okay. Brittany is going to come in the morning/afternoon and I'll be back in the evening. I know this is the part where you would usually shut me out for a week and tell me to mind my own business but we don't really have time for that (which I'll explain later) so I was hoping we could skip to the part where you decide that I'm an okay person that's worth letting in your life. Even though we've only known each other a short while, I do care about you. -Q_**

As if on cue, she hears a knock on the front door of her apartment. She lets out a loud groan. The knocking becomes more persistent so she finally drags herself out bed and stomps unhappily to the front door.

"Brittany, why?" She whines.

"Just open the door, you big baby." Santana opens the door to find her best friend standing there, carrying two bags of groceries.

"What's all that?"

"I'm going to make you breakfast… And I also brought lots of chocolate." She waves her best friend inside.

"I'm okay, you, guys. Seriously. I can't believe Quinn called you."

Brittany shrugs. "I thought it was sweet."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. But I seriously overreacted last night. I feel much better now, _really_. We weren't even that close."

"San, you and I both know that it isn't about whether or not you two were close."

"Are you really going all Dr. Phil on me right now?"

"Look, if you would stop being such a stubborn buttface all the time, it would make things so much easier. I know your Abuela disowned you after you came out and I know how much that hurt you. Even though you might have accepted it, a part of you always wished there would be a way for you to reconcile. I get that. And now it's kind of final, things never got fixed. It's ok to admit that it sucks."

"Yeah, well. She didn't really love me."

"She did, San."

The brunette sighs ruefully. "Maybe she did… Just not enough… Besides, it might be better this way… It's easier to let go of what you never had, right?"

Brittany shakes her head. "You worry me so much sometimes. I know you might be upset or whatever with Quinn but please give her a chance. You're not the easiest person to be friends with."

Santana scowls.

"See."

"Anyway, I'm not mad or upset with her. But I don't know if I want to face her again after last night. It's kind of humiliating. We were about to, you know, and then I go and have a mental breakdown on her. Least. Sexy. Thing. Ever."

Brittany's eyes widen. "Ohmygod, you like her."

"No."

"Yes. You care what she thinks about you and you _never_ care what people think about you."

"That doesn't mean I like her. And she's leaving soon so I can't. Pretty sure that's what she wanted to talk to me about tonight anyway. She came to NY looking for a good lay and then I go and fuck it up... Damn. I've probably ruined New York for her."

"Aaaand she's back."

Santana grins. "So what's for breakfast?"

_[\\]_

It isn't until 6:00 that Quinn arrives at Santana's apartment. When the girl opens the door, Quinn notices the dark circles still evident under her eyes.

"I'm guessing you didn't get much sleep?"

Santana shakes her head. She shifts herself every so often, still feeling a bit unnerved. "I don't remember how I got into my bed?"

"Well, we fell asleep in the bathroom but then you had a nightmare and I made you get into your bed before you fell asleep again… Then I left since I figured you'd probably want to be alone for a little while."

"I appreciate it actually… And sorry about last night… I'm kind of embarrassed…"

"You definitely shouldn't apologize. Shit happens. If anything, I should apologize to you for practically throwing myself at you… Just, I decided that I wanted to kiss you before I left New York and then hearing you sing was a major turn on for me—"

"You don't have to apologize for that. I was enjoying it."

Quinn smiles. "Me too. You're a good kisser… Uh, you're going to invite me in, right?"

Santana smiles back, beginning to feel more comfortable. "Sure, come in."

The green-eyed girl walks into the apartment, setting the Chinese food on the kitchen counter.

"Where are the plates?"

"Farthest cabinet on the left."

The darker girl watches her as she makes her away around the kitchen.

"So I hope you don't mind but I brought over some Meg Ryan rom coms, you can choose which one we watch… I totally love them, is that lame?" She turns around to face the brunette.

Santana is about to burst out laughing but something about the girl's sincere expression makes her hold back, almost choking on it as she responds, "Nooo," in a voice that gives her away.

Quinn glares slightly. "They're not as bad as you think. They're romantic and funny, you might even enjoy them."

"Don't count on it," she mutters to herself. "I thought we were supposed to be making _me_ feel better."

"Me being here doesn't make you feel better?" The blonde girl watches as Santana blushes a little before smiling at her and responding, "That's what I thought. So which one will it be?"

"Uhhh… That one." She picks one up and sticks in the DVD player in the living room. Quinn follows behind her with the Chinese food as they make their way to the sofa. They fill the next few minutes concentrating on the food and the movie before the blonde girl shifts in her seat and faces Santana.

"Look, I'm sorry for kind of brushing you off earlier last night when you asked me about why I was here in New York."

When she senses she has the darker girl's attention, she continues. "The truth is, I'll be leaving on Tuesday morning. I was only spending time in New York to get away from my mother and since I'm going abroad, I would've had to catch a flight to NY anyway. I'll be going to Thailand for a couple months to help teach English to children in Amphawa."

A billion questions flood Santana's head. The thought of Quinn leaving upsets her more than she wants to let on though, so she decides to ask the least painful one that comes to mind, "Why did you want to get away from your mom?"

The blonde girl sighs sadly. "Ever since my parents got divorced, she's been going crazy trying to control every aspect of my life and I just couldn't do it anymore. Besides, after I told her I liked girls, she could never look at me the same way... It's like even though I know she loves me, I can't be around someone who always makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. I know in her mindset, I'm going to hell for being the way I am but I don't see it like that. All love is good. Even hers. I just resent her for not being okay with who I am... It's not something I can change."

Santana is somewhat shocked by her confession, "Gee, you sound healthy… I kind of know what you mean though…"

"Well, I've had a lot of time to think about it. If someone can't be okay with who you are, they don't deserve to be in your life."

The brunette nods sadly. "That's how it was with my Abuela…"

Quinn reaches out and gives her arm a gentle squeeze. "Will you go back for the funeral?"

"Q, Brittany found out about it before I did. That's how not okay I am with my family. I don't think she'd want me there anyway."

"Still, it'd be nice to say goodbye."

"I think that's what I did last night."

The green-eyed girl pauses the movie before getting up and grabbing Santana by the hand. "Come with me." She drags her down the stairs to the bottom floor of the apartment complex. The darker girl looks outside and flinches noticeably.

"It's raining!" Santana screams at her. "Are you crazy?"

Quinn shrugs and runs outside into the pouring rain, waving for the other girl to follow.

"Well, fuck," she mutters to herself before she walks out to join the blonde girl on the sidewalk. "Now what?"

"Listen, San, you're never going to be okay if you keep things bottled up inside of you. What happened to you last night will keep happening unless you let some of it out."

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Just say how you feel."

"I'll look like a crazy person."

"Fine, then say it to me. Pretend I'm your Abuela."

Santana shakes her head and sighs. "It's not that easy, Q."

"Just try it."

After letting out another sigh, she finally speaks, "I'm sorry… For disappointing you… But I'm not sorry for who I am…" Her voice starts to break as she feels tears forming in her eyes. "I don't want to hate myself anymore, Abuela… _I_ didn't do anything wrong… I did, I_ do_ love you… And I'm sorry… But…" The tears fall from her cheeks and now she's grateful for the rain as it helps her hide her sorrow. "But…"

Quinn takes the girl in her arms and holds her again, both of them getting soaked from the rain. As Santana continues her thought, her voice is small and tiny, "Why couldn't you love me enough... to be okay with who I am?" The words disappear in the cold air as she says them. She chokes back her sobs and tries to regain her composure. She pulls away from Quinn so the girl doesn't feel her body trembling, wrought with emotion.

"Do you feel better?"

The darker girl nods and they stand like this for a few moments more before she's okay to speak again. "I'm sorry. For not texting you before. I feel like we've lost time because of me. I just get scared—"

"It's okay, San. I'm sorry too. I thought I would be sadder that the carefree, easy part of our relationship was over but maybe it's better this way... And anyway, I think it was a bit naïve of me to think we could have sex without it meaning anything."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, we get each other, San. I wouldn't want to throw that away for one night of _incredible sex_." The way she says it makes Santana smile. "We can be friends... Friends last longer, you know?"

Santana nods, not knowing why the thought both hurts and calms her. "I think I'd like that… I don't really have anyone I can talk to other than Brittany."

The girls head back up the stairs to Santana's apartment. They dry themselves off and finish watching _When Harry Met Sally_. Santana tries not to be too turned on when Quinn reenacts the fake orgasm scene, which isn't as hard as she thought since she nearly pees herself with laughter. They go on like this until they both fall asleep on the couch.

_[\\]_

The day Quinn leaves New York; the weather is bright and sunny. Santana and Jeremy walk her as far as they can go before they have to part ways. They all take a moment before beginning their goodbyes.

"Have fun, cuz," Jeremy says as he picks the blonde girl up in his arms.

"I will, Jer. I'll see you soon," she says as she holds onto him. "Behave yourself while I'm gone, alright."

He grins as he sets her down. "I make no promises."

She laughs and turns toward Santana. Jeremy pretends to be interested in the gift shop off to the side as the blonde approaches the brown-eyed girl.

"So… Thailand." Santana says, not really knowing what people say in these circumstances.

Quinn nods, "Yeah, I think it'll be good for me to get away for a little bit. Sides, it's the last requirement for me to graduate. Then I'll have to be a part of the real world, like you," she teases.

"It's not all it's cracked up to be, but I'm glad you know what you want to do with your life."

She smiles, "I like helping people. And don't worry; I won't forget about you. We'll still talk all the time. We can be pen pals… I've always wanted a pen pal. And there's always Skype."

Santana nods. "You're right. It won't be so bad."

"And then I'll be back in NY after the two months are up until I get things figured out."

"Q, we went over all of this yesterday, you don't have to do it again just for my sake."

The blonde frowns a little bit. "Sooo, you definitely weren't exaggerating when you said you suck at this part."

"I'm sorry! I don't take girls to airports."

"What about friends?"

"Brittany doesn't…"

_Leave me._

"…Travel." She quietly chastises herself because she knows she's being selfish.

_Dammit, Santana. You're totally blowing this._

Quinn nods. "Ok, well thanks for coming out at least... It was nice of you to say goodbye… I'll see you soon." She gently squeezes the other girl's arm as she gives a final wave to Jeremy and heads toward the security lines.

Watching Quinn leave sends a slight sense of panic through Santana as feels like she's fucked up her goodbye. She watches as the line gets shorter and shorter, the blonde girl getting closer and closer to leaving her. The panic building. "Quinn!" She shouts. The blonde girl turns to her with a confused expression. One of the security guards is ushering her along but she holds up her palm giving Santana a chance to finish. "The day we met on the subway!" Everyone has turned to look at her now. "I thought it was just going to be like any other day!" A slight hint of color reaches her cheeks. Quinn stands out of line straining to hear her words as the flurry of anxious people behind her urge her to keep moving. "But it wasn't! It was special… Cause I met you!" As she finishes her thought, the guard stands in front of Quinn, having a chat with her. Santana feels the panic rising once again, not able to gauge the girl's expression. When he finally removes himself, Quinn is back in line. A huge smile plastered on her lips. Santana smiles knowingly to herself. That smile, it's...

_Because of me._


	5. Chapter 5

"Sawadee ka!"

"God, you're so obnoxious sometimes."

"Don't be a party pooper. It means 'hi' in Thai."

"I gathered. So how's it going over there?"

"Hmm. Pretty good. All the kids are so nice. They want to play with my hair all day… It is kind of weird being a minority," Quinn laughs good-naturedly.

"Yeah, I guess that would be weird for a white, blonde girl."

Quinn shakes her head. "You know we're being overtaken by brunettes that dye their hair. It's not fair… How's it going in New York?"

"All right. Nothing too exciting. It sucks working three jobs but it keeps me busy."

"Are you still performing on Fridays and Saturdays?"

"Yep."

"What are you working on at the moment?"

"The band is divided between a Kelly Clarkson song and a Rihanna song."

"Aw. I wish I could see you sing again. I'm definitely going to when I'm back in NY. How's Brittany?"

"She's good. She's dating a guy who owns a lesbian nightclub. It's hilarious and awkward at the same time. Occasionally he'll get her to dance in one of those weird cagey things, which, trust me, is the best thing ever. He's trying to get me to perform—"

Quinn laughs hysterically. "Ohmygod. You should do it! Seriously, I wouldn't miss it."

Santana hears chatter in the background of Quinn's Skype call. "What's going on?"

There's a lag before Quinn answers, "My roommate just got in. She's going to bed so I'm going to have to end the call. We can still chat for a little while though."

"Well tell her to go f—"

Call ended.

**QUINNFABRAY: SAN! YOU CAN'T GO AND PISS MY ROOMIE OFF! I HAVE TO LIVE WITH HER FOR 2 MONTHS!**

**SLOPEZ: Bite me. You never told me you had a roomie!**

**SLOPEZ: What does she look like?**

**QUINNFABRAY: Um… wavy brown hair… blue eyes… white… idk?**

**SLOPEZ: Show me!**

**QUINNFABRAY: SHE'S SLEEPING!**

**SLOPEZ: So… She won't notice.**

**QUINNFABRAY: COULD YOU BE ANYMORE CREEPY?!**

**QUINNFABRAY: Ok, I have to go now. She says my angry typing is keeping her awake.**

**SLOPEZ: What a cunt**

**QUINNFABRAY: ! ! !**

**QUINNFABRAY: Btw I sent your first postcard in the mail the other day so it'll probably get there in 2 weeks. Lol. Ttyl! Bye!**

Santana sighs in frustration.

_I can't believe I woke up at 8 AM for this shit._

Quinn had only been in Amphawa for a week and she could already tell it was going to be difficult to stay in touch. The blonde girl hardly had any alone time and Santana's work schedule was all over the place.

It didn't help that snail mail took forever so by the time she got Q's postcard and sent her a response, it would have taken them a whole month just to exchange letters.

_Well, there's always e-mail._

Not that Santana was complaining exactly, but e-mails just felt like they were not old school enough to be cool, and less personal than IM-ing/video chats. Even though their friendship had seemed so natural and easy a few days before, it all seemed so complicated now. Santana didn't know where they stood exactly, or whether or not they were supposed to be seeing other people. She kept replaying her interactions with Quinn in her head trying to decipher whether she had given her any signals one way or the other. Though she wasn't sure why she was worrying about it so much. Especially since Q had said they should just be friends, right? It's not like Santana really had a way of asking her either. She could e-mail her but then she wouldn't be able to know what Q was _really_ thinking since her response would be calculated and well thought out…..

_Fuck._

Tired of thinking about everything, Santana throws a pillow over her face and goes back to sleep for a couple more hours before she's due at the boutique.

_[\\] _

Santana feels like shit when she walks into the fashion boutique this morning. She's pretty sure the hobo sitting next to her on the subway pissed himself, not to mention the pigeons outside her apartment decided to be extra annoying today.

"Hey, boo!" Brittany greets her cheerily.

"Arrggghhhh!"

"So. What's the matter?"

"Life!" Santana screams melodramatically as she stomps into the back room to use the restroom. She splashes some cold water on her face and takes a few deep breaths before rejoining Brittany at the front of the store.

"Want to talk about it?"

"I'm just annoyed. By the way, Quinn has a roommate."

"Is she hot?"

"She wouldn't show me."

"…She's probably hot then."

"Thanks," Santana replies curtly.

"Well isn't it like illegal to be gay over there? Like the death penalty or something? Cause I highly doubt Quinn would risk anything in that case."

"What? No, the death penalty is for cannabis."

Brittany's eyes widen. "Really? Wow. I wonder what the penalty for being gay is then… Maybe they like kill you, bring you back to life, and then kill you again."

The darker haired girl narrows her eyes. "Brittany, you are so not helping right now."

An older woman walks into the shop. Santana greets her and shows her their selection of blouses and such. After the lady finds a couple she likes, she ushers her into the back where the dressing rooms are, a few moments later emerging with enthusiasm.

"I just had an epiphany! I'm being ridiculous about this whole thing. Of _course_ we're just friends. I just asked myself if Quinn said she wanted a relationship right now, what would I say? And the answer is no. I don't even want a relationship period. _Especially_ with someone that's halfway around the world... We've only known each other for a few days! Who thinks about someone this much when they've only known them for a few days? Crazy people, that's who… So now that I feel much better about this whole thing, I just want to let you know that we're going out tonight, and it's going to be awesome."

_[\\]_

Quinn is lying stomach down on her bed as she talks to Santana over Skype. The Thailand heat still gets to her at night, making her thoughts fuzzy. "You know what's weird? How nice people are over here. They're always smiling, definitely not like New York."

Santana laughs. "Yeah, not everyone is as friendly as I am over here. So how are things going with your roommate?"

"She's really nice actually. I'm kind of glad I have someone to talk to over here. Even though people are really nice, the language barrier kind of makes me feel isolated sometimes."

"Have you talked to Jeremy at all?"

"A couple of times. But you know, he's... Jeremy." They both grin knowingly.

"So there aren't any cute girls over there?"

"Um, well since my options are basically limited to Amy, and she's straight, no. You?"

"Well, working as a bartender does have its advantages. I met another girl last night that was pretty hot. I'm just not sure—"

"Time is passing by too fast... Don't you feel that way?"

"How do you mean?"

"It's almost been half a month and we hardly know what's going on in each other's lives even though we talk as much as we can. There are so many days in between the days we talk and with the time difference; it just makes me feel like you're a lot farther away than you really are. Like you're on another planet or something."

"…I kinda feel that way too."

"In New York, even when things were moving fast, it was still so much slower than it is now. Like that night we danced, or when we met on the subway, even our time at the airport. I had time to take in everything that was happening… And now when we 'spend time together,' it's just words. And I'm not sure any of them could mean as much as any of those moments… I don't think all the words in the world could equal a _real_ moment that consists of spending time together with another person, _in person_, you know?"

"…Are you ok, Q?"

"I'm fine… Just tired I guess," A sad half smile crosses her face as she says it. "Night, San."

"Night."

_[\\]_

A few more nights pass before Quinn has free time to Skype again. She wonders how things are really going for Santana. She knows that the girl is never straightforward about her feelings and it always takes her poking and prodding before she really opens up. It worries her slightly but she's caught up in all the stuff she's dealing with over here that she tries not to let it affect her too much. When the brunette starts talking about another random girl though, something inside Quinn finally snaps. "Oh my god, Santana. Will you just stop?"

"What?"

"Look, I know I said we could talk about this stuff together but I didn't realize that meant we'd only be talking about all the girls you're hooking up with."

"Why are you being like this?"

"It's frustrating. Hearing you talk about this stuff. You deserve better than this. You should be with someone that cares about you."

"Whoa. What the hell? Have you ever thought that maybe I don't want that?"

"Who doesn't want that?"

"I don't. Relationships are boring. Some people meet, they fall in love, and that's it. That's not _my_ story though… You get tired of the other person eventually, it's monotonous."

"Really, San? Having someone care about you is monotonous?"

"I feel like you're taking this the wrong way…"

"I don't think I am. But fine, I guess I don't really have a say in the matter. If it makes you happy—"

"It's not about being happy. It's about living in the moment."

"Ok. Have fun with that."

"I will."

Call ended.

_[\\]_

That morning when Santana walks into the fashion boutique, Brittany can tell that she seems to have made up her mind about something.

"I think I'm going to ask Haley out on a date. We've hooked up a couple of times and we get along pretty well…"

Brittany quirks her eyebrows in surprise.

"It's not like I'm asking her to be my girlfriend. It's just a date."

"Ok, then," the blonde nods with a smile. She watches as Santana sets her stuff on the counter and then walks off into the back room. "Proud of you, San!" She calls after her. As she goes to move Santana's belongings onto the shelf beneath the register, a postcard falls on the ground. There's a picture of an elephant on the front and the back reads:

**_San—Thailand is great. Look at all the cute elephants! Be happy. See you when I see you. Hugs, Q_**


	6. Chapter 6

The New York weather is cloudy and overcast as Santana and Haley walk down the sidewalk together. The other girl grabs Santana's hand as they make their way to the pizzeria.

"I kind of like this weather," she says with a smile as they enter through the door.

Santana returns her smile, "Me too. I have to be in the mood for it though… So what kinds of toppings do you like on your pizza? Veggies or meat?"

"I'll eat anything. I'm not picky."

They choose a booth on the side of the restaurant to sit down in, Santana facing the window. The waitress comes over to take their order, the girls finally deciding on half veggie/half pepperoni.

"So what made you finally decide to ask me out?" Haley asks playfully, her dimples showing.

"My friend did actually. She thinks I need to quit my womanizing ways and start dating so I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm not sure it's really my thing though."

"Well, you're not completely blowing it."

Santana sighs, relieved. "Thank god. You look pretty by the way."

"You too."

"So what else do people usually do on these things?"

Haley laughs. "I'm not sure really. I don't go on too many either… But at least we know we're compatible in the what comes after the date department." She runs her fingertips across the other girl's hand.

Santana raises an eyebrow, smiling. "Maybe dates aren't so bad after all."

_[\\]_

It's late afternoon by the time Quinn and Amy are done teaching the children for the day. Since the schooling system isn't at all organized, they had to push back the start time because half the class was running late. Both are exhausted, but excited for the weekend festivities they have planned. As they head out, a soft voice interrupts them.

"Ms. Q!" The little girl runs after Quinn and grabs her hand. "Happy birthday!"

Quinn kneels down beside the little girl and gives her a hug. "Thanks, Pui. That made my day. I'll see you on Monday, okay?"

The girl nods and runs back into the school to wait for her mother.

Amy chuckles. "That right there makes it all worth it, huh?"

"Totally," Quinn says with a smile. "But I'm definitely ready to party it up in Bangkok!"

They both give each other excited high fives as they hop onto the back of a worn down scooter. "I fear for my life every time we get on this thing."

"Just drive slowly," the blonde girl advises. "I'll haunt you from my grave if you kill us before we get to celebrate my birthday."

_[\\]_

It's around 2:00 in the morning by the time the girls finally reach their hotel. They both fall onto their beds in exhaustion.

Amy sighs, "Well, they definitely weren't exaggerating about the traffic. I'm glad we're not going out tonight, I would die."

Quinn laughs. "Don't be so dramatic. And you better get a good night's sleep so we can go hard tomorrow night… I told my friend I'd Skype her when we got here so she can wish me a happy birthday though. Is that ok with you?"

"Go ahead. I'm so tired that I could sleep through construction work at this point. Tell Santana hi for me."

"Will do. Night, love."

The blonde girl signs onto her Skype account, waiting for Santana to get on.

_God bless Bangkok wifi._

Her eyes start to feel heavy as she drifts in and out of a light sleep. The ringing sound coming from her laptop jolts her awake as she accepts the call.

"Happy fucking birthday!" Santana shouts.

"Damn, San. It's not all that happy at the moment. I need sleep."

Seeing Quinn's sleepy expression makes Santana laugh her ass off. "Wow. So attractive."

"Shut up, meanie. You're supposed to be nice to me on my birthday."

"True. Skype me again tomorrow and we'll pick this up where we left off."

"I can't be witty. I'm too tired."

"Ok, ok. Well I hope you have a blast tomorrow night. I know you will because it's BANGKOK. Not gonna lie, I'm a bit jealous. By the way, I went on an actual date today."

Quinn perks up a little. "Whaa—Really?"

"Yeah. I figured you had a point. Since my way hasn't been doing wonders for me I figured it was worth a shot."

"And what did you think? And who with?" The blonde asks a little too quickly.

"It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It is kind of nice just being able to talk to someone about stupid stuff. We legit had a conversation about what kind of transportation we think there'll be in the future. And it was with Haley. I mentioned her before, we've hooked up a couple of times."

"Wow. Well, I'm happy for you, Santana. I think this is a good thing for you… to date." She makes sure to emphasize the last part.

"Maybe. Just don't go and buy the wedding cake yet."

"Oh, I won't."

"Only a couple more weeks til you're back! Excited?"

"Of course. I will be a little sad to leave all the cute kids though. And my tummy has finally gotten used to some of the spicy food... Oh, Jeremy told me that his sister Rose is getting married not soon after I get back so I was going to ask if you wanted to go with me… But it might be kinda awkward now."

"Why?"

"Well, I'm not sure how serious you are about Haley and what not."

"Q, we went on one date. It's not like she owns me. I think I should be able to go to a wedding with my _friend_. You know I'm always game for an open bar! Oh and I have a surprise for you as well."

"Ooohhh, I'm intrigued what is it?"

"I agreed to do a performance at Chris' club, you know, Brittany's boyfriend, but I told him it would have to be when you got back to NY so you could attend."

"OH MY GOD. BEST THING EVER."

"Yeah! And it'll give you a chance to meet Haley too!"

"She'll be there?"

"She works there actually."

"Of course she does," Quinn mutters under her breath.

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Okbye!"

"Bye freak."

Quinn closes her laptop and gets ready for bed. The beds in the hotel room are so much comfier than the rock hard ones back in Amphawa. The blonde girl lets out a small sigh, letting herself digest the information. A tiny part of her already hates Haley but she knows she has to give her a chance if it means that Santana has a real chance of happiness.

_Besides, you idiot, you're the one who practically sent her running into her arms with your little tantrum._

Thankfully she's exhausted enough not to let her thoughts disturb her sleep for too long. Her eyes grow heavier.

_If only you could say what you mean. "Santana, I do want you to be happy… with me."_

She quietly chastises herself knowing that it would be a selfish thing for her to admit given their circumstances. Not to mention the fact that Santana definitely wasn't ready to hear it. She wasn't sure if she'd ever be ready to hear it, and that was what scared her the most.

_At least her going out with Haley means that she's admitting her unhappiness. It's a start._

_[\\]_

"WAKE UP! Party time! Party time! Party time!" Amy jumps excitedly on her bed holding a large bottle of tequila.

Quinn moans before opening her eyes. "Oh my god, where did you get that?"

"At the 7-11 across the street! It was only $10 USD! Thailand is the _best _sometimes!"

Quinn cracks up. "We should at least try to make it past the hotel lobby. That thing would have us smashed in minutes."

"We're not going to drink all of it! But get your ass up! Let's get the party started!"

The blonde girl rolls out of bed, and looks at the clock. "Amy, it's only 3:00 PM."

"No matter. We need to get food first anyway. And it takes you at least an hour to get ready. And we can have our own dance party before we go out."

"Good point."

It's 7:00 when the girls are finally on their way to their first bar.

"Wow, it's really deserted," Amy comments.

"Well yeah, that's what we get for going out so early. I don't think people show up til 11, maybe not even until 1 at some of the bigger clubs."

"I was just so excited."

Quinn laughs. "No worries. We'll just be the drunk Americans all night."

By 11:00 both of the girls are totally wasted at one of the hip hop clubs.

"We look like idiots!" Quinn laughs drunkenly as they tear it up on the dance floor.

Amy just laughs crazily in response. The blonde girl grabs her arm in a vice grip causing her to stop.

"Amy, look!" Amy tries to focus on whatever Quinn is going on about. "She's fucking gorgeous!"

Quinn walks toward the beautiful Thai lady and puts her arm around her. "Um, Quinn, what about Santana?" Amy pipes up.

The lady is laughing and speaking Thai to the locals seated at the bar, pointing to the pair of them. "Santana who?" She mumbles drunkenly.

Despite Amy's drunken state, she informs her friend, "Ummmmm. Quinn. Honey. That's a lady boy." Quinn's eyes shoot open in surprise.

"Whaaaat? But he/she's soooo pretty. It's not faaaaiiirrr," she slurs. Amy grabs her friend by the shoulders.

"I think this means party's over." They both break out in laughter.

Quinn decides to try out some accent that's halfway British, halfway pirate. "Aye! But what a successful night it ize!"

"I'm going to miss this," Amy says as she puts her arm around her friend's shoulder.

When they get back to the hotel room, Amy goes straight to bed but Quinn decides to check her e-mail before passing out. She notices that Santana's online and after a slight debate, she decides to IM her since she looks like shit at the moment.

**QUINNFABRAY: HAAAIII SAN7NIEZ.**

**SLOPEZ: Hey Q. Wow, drunk you sounds fun.**

**QUINNFABRAY: VURrY**

**SLOPEZ: Lol! I'm excited to see you at your cousin's wedding now. Haven't seen you drunk drunk yet.**

Despite the fog the alcohol has subjected on her brain, Quinn's emotions run high as she types 'I-L-Y' into the text box. Her finger freezes on the send button. ILY was a friend 'i love you' after all, she didn't know why the thought of sending it made her nervous. After a few moments of hesitation, she decides to delete it.

_Come on, Q. Pull it together._

**QUINNFABRAY: I'm glad were friends san**

**SLOPEZ: Me too, Fabray. Me too.**


	7. Chapter 7

Ever since Quinn's night out in Bangkok, her conversations with Santana are scattered, few and far between. With the crappy Internet in the village though, their Skype calls are cut short even when they do make the time. Not really seeing a way around their situation, the girls busy themselves with their hectic schedules. The two weeks fly by fairly fast and it isn't long before Quinn finds herself on the return trip to the States.

As she steps off the airplane, a sense of infinite possibility overwhelms her. Here she is back in New York, a city that many people only dreamed of visiting, including some of the children she left behind in Amphawa. They would ask her questions about the big city and the enormous skyscrapers but there really wasn't anything that compared to the real thing. As far as Quinn was concerned though, being away for a little while had been a good thing. She had time to clear her head and she now felt she had a sense of direction when it came to what and _whom_ she wanted.

She also felt that she knew a little bit more about the world than she did just two months earlier. Now that she was finished with college, she just had to worry about the actual graduation ceremony and then she'd officially be living in the real world. Taking some summer courses had put her in a weird spot for graduation, not that she cared much, but she was going to be graduating in December rather than May like some of her classmates.

The second she steps into the airport, she's greeted by Jeremy's smiling face.

"Jer!" She runs out to greet him, giving him a big hug. "How've you been?"

"Really good. Damn. You got tan girl."

"Well, as tan as I can be anyway. The sun over there is wicked. And I'm so excited for Rose! Her and David seem really good together."

"Quinn!" Amy waves to her from the baggage claim.

Seeing the brunette makes her smile as she leads Jeremy over to her. "Hey Jer, this is my friend, Amy. We took on Thailand together."

They shake hands. "Oh, yeah, of course. You mentioned her before. Nice to meet you, Amy."

"Likewise." Then to Quinn, "Well I'm catching a taxi soon, I gotta meet up with my parents. I just wanted to say one last goodbye before heading out."

"Aw. We'll keep in touch. I'll let you know when I'm back in New York, just have to graduate and all that." They exchange hugs. "Byeee, it'll be weird not sharing a room together." They laugh, as they finally break apart.

"Bye Q! Good luck with everything!" Amy picks up her luggage and heads toward the taxis. "And don't forget to call!" She yells over her shoulder.

Now that it's just the two of them she turns her attention back to Jeremy. "So where's—"

A pair of hands come up from behind her and cover her eyes. "Guess who?"

The blonde girl immediately breaks out into a huge smile. "San!" She turns around and tackles the other girl with a warm hug, resisting the urge to kiss her. Santana lets out a little laugh as she hugs her back.

"Damn. Maybe you should go away more often. Makes me feel appreciated."

"Never," Quinn whispers teasingly.

Jeremy feigns hurt. "Jeez, you didn't look that happy to see me."

The green-eyed girl giggles. "I'm sure I did, Jer. Don't be jealous."

[\\]

The three of them decide to get a bite to eat and end up at a diner not too far away from Santana's apartment.

"Oh my gosh, this is sooo good," Quinn moans as she takes a big bite out of a cheeseburger. "They definitely don't have these in Thailand."

"I don't think I've ever seen someone so happy to eat a burger and fries," Santana shakes her head as her and Jeremy snicker.

The blonde girl narrows her eyes as she shifts her attention to the pair of them. "This better not be the start of some _thing_ where you two decide to gang up on me all the time."

They smirk at each other before Jeremy throws up his hands in the air. "We would never! Besides, I can say that I've definitely been that happy about eating a cheeseburger and I've never been through a two month withdrawal before."

"Seriously, Jer, you eat like a trucker. I have no idea how you stay fit." Quinn says perplexed.

He smiles. "It's all the sex."

She then turns to Santana. "I just realized that Jeremy is the male version of yourself."

"Oh, please," Santana rolls her eyes. "I'm not that much of a dog."

Quinn laughs. "Hear that, Jer? You, dog, you."

"Sticks n stones, babe," He teases the darker haired girl. "I might have to come check out your performance tomorrow just to make fun of you."

Now it's Santana's turn to laugh. "You were planning on coming anyway. I'm pretty sure you were on board the moment you heard the phrase 'lesbian club.'"

"It's amazing how predictable I am."

"You know what would _really_ be amazing?" Quinn ponders. "If only your future wife could see you right now."

Jeremy shudders. "Don't throw those kinds of words around here. San & I are free spirits, she gets it."

"Actually, Jeremy, I'm dating now," Santana informs him.

"Wow, never saw that one coming." He says genuinely surprised. "How's the old ball and chain?"

"I don't really look at it like that. We're not exclusive yet but I do like her. I've seen a couple other girls too."

"So how about giving me some tips then? What kind of woman does it take to reform Ms. Lopez and get her to change her ways?"

Santana laughs and decides to play along. "Hm. One with a nice ass? I don't really know. I'm not that picky I guess."

"Well, what _is_ your type?" Quinn asks, genuinely interested.

"Oh, come on," She leans in toward the blonde and whispers teasingly, "I don't have a type, I was meant for only you."

"High five, Lopez! Smooth as motherfuckin' silk!" The pair of them high five, not noticing the way Quinn's breath catches in her throat. A warm dizzy feeling spiraling down along her insides.

_If only she meant it. _

Knowing that she doesn't hurts Quinn a little bit. "So it's really just that easy for you, huh?"

"What do you mean?" The brown-eyed girl turns to her, confused.

"It's just that easy for you to say those kinds of things to girls and not mean them?"

"It's just part of the game, Quinn…"

"But it won't always be that way, you know… You might start out chasing someone but words are exchanged and you saying those types of things only make the person want to chase you back. What then?"

Santana seems to really think about what the girl is saying before she responds. "I guess I hadn't thought of it like that. But I try to be honest about things from the start to avoid that kinda stuff, you know, say right away that I don't want a relationship."

The blonde girl shakes her head sadly. "Yeah, you're right. You were—_are _honest about that… It was just a question."

Jeremy seems lost, looking back and forth between the pair of them. "So… Are you ready to head back to my place, Q?"

Quinn nods, suddenly losing her appetite. She removes herself from the booth when Santana's hand catches her wrist. "Actually, Jer, I was going to see if Quinn wanted to spend a little time at my place since I haven't got to see her in so long… If it's cool with you, Q?"

The slight contact of Santana's skin and the way she smiles as she asks her clouds her judgment. The hurt becoming infinitely smaller the longer Santana's hand is on hers. "Yeah… Sounds good. I'll see you tonight, Jer."

"Alright, no problem. See ya, ladies." He grabs Quinn's luggage. "And I'll take these for you."

The blonde girl smiles at him. "You're the best."

_[\\]_

"So what do you think?" Santana asks, looking over at the blonde girl next to her.

"It's beautiful."

The two of them sit on the roof of Santana's apartment building, looking up at the night sky.

"You know, I'm really glad you're home, Q."

The blonde girl smiles at her. "Me too, San… Jeez, it's freezing out here." She rubs her arms trying to keep herself warm.

Santana laughs, "Yeah, I bet you're not used to this weather with the Thailand heat and all."

"Yeah, definitely not."

The darker haired girl opens her arms, waving the blonde girl over. She hesitates but scoots closer to her, allowing her to hold her. "How are you always warm?" Santana asks incredulously.

Quinn presses her lips together. "I'm not. I'm freezing my ass off."

"Well, you feel warm to me." The darker haired girl squeezes her tighter, not fully realizing how much she missed the girl in her arms until now. "So how do you feel about everything? Graduation and stuff, I mean."

"Hm. Pretty good. I'm glad school is finally over for me. I know it'll be hard to land on my own two feet at first but it'll be nice having Amy here to help me find a job and what not."

"So you're staying in New York?"

"Yeah. I like it here. I'm going to be heading back to Vermont after the weekend though for my graduation."

"Leaving me already?" Santana teases.

Quinn gives her a small smile. "My mom has asked me if I want to stay with her for Christmas but I haven't decided yet…"

"Hmm, yeah. Well, at least she's trying, " She replies, a hint of sadness evident in her voice.

The blonde girl gently squeezes the other girl's arm. "So what are you doing for Christmas?"

"Don't know. Probably spending it with Brittany. I don't really plan ahead though."

Quinn wiggles free of Santana's embrace and sits up again. "I'm super excited to see you perform tomorrow by the way. What song are you going to be singing?"

Santana nudges her playfully. "It's a surprise… I'm kind of embarrassed by the outfit they're making me wear though."

"You, embarrassed? That bad, huh?"

Santana lets out a loud laugh. "You have no idea. Good thing I have my confidence."

"Yeah," Quinn mutters. "You're sorely lacking in that department."

The darker haired girl gives her a sly smile. "So what do you think you'll miss most about Thailand?"

"The kids… It's kind of special to think that you're part of someone's life like that. To know that maybe down the road they'll think of you and something that you taught them."

"I think I get what you mean. It'd be cool to have someone think of you like that… Just don't leave me for two months again, eh?"

"Okay."

"Promise?"

"Sure."

They smile at each other and sit in silence for a while as the watch the busy city beneath their feet. The bright lights of the nearby buildings illuminate the dark sky, not a visible star in sight. After some time Quinn decides to head back to Jeremy's apartment. She gives Santana a goodbye hug, leaving behind a warmth that can't be stolen by the frosty air.


	8. Chapter 8

The club is packed by the time Jeremy and Quinn arrive.

"Quinn!" Brittany calls her over from where she stands close to the front of the stage. The two push their way through a bunch of people before finally reaching her.

"Hey, Brittany. Nice to finally meet you in person." She gives the girl a quick hug. "And this must be Chris?"

A tall man with a shaved head and a muscular build stands next to her. "Hey," he says coolly as he extends a hand.

"Yeah, he's never what people think when I talk about him."

"Actually I wasn't really sure what to think… But yeah, I guess tall, shaved head, and muscular build wasn't the first thing to come to my mind… By the way, this is my cousin Jeremy."

Jeremy shakes hands with Chris and gives Brittany a small smile, "Thanks for letting me tag along."

Chris clears his throat. "Of course, man. Well, I'm going to excuse myself to go check on things. Nice meeting you guys." He gives them a quick wave before he disappears behind the curtain on stage.

"He always gets like this before every performance, always has to make sure everything is running smoothly." Brittany explains.

The green-eyed girl gives a small laugh. "Well, that's understandable. So do you know what Santana is performing? She wouldn't tell me."

"Nope, she wouldn't tell me either. By the way, do you guys want a drink?"

"Yes!" Jeremy answers enthusiastically. "I'll get yours too, Q. What do you want?"

"Just the usual."

"Got it."

When Jeremy leaves them, Brittany speaks up. "By the way, I just want to say thank you for everything you've done for Santana. You've been good for her."

Quinn blushes. "It's no problem. I really care about her."

Suddenly, loud music starts as a man dressed in drag walks on stage. "Welcome! If y'all don't know me by now, you shouldn't be in this club."

"Love you, Siren!" Someone shouts.

"Love you too, baby... How y'all doing tonight?"

The crowd cheers and catcalls.

"I think y'all can do better than that. I _said_ how y'all doing tonight?"

The crowd grows louder as Quinn and Brittany exchange excited smiles. Jeremy returns from the bar and hands the blonde her drink.

"That's better! To kick things off we're going to welcome a first time performer tonight. That's right… Let's pop her cherry! Performing Hit Me Like A Man by The Pretty Reckless… Please welcome, Miss Santana Looopez!" With a flourish of his hand, he ducks behind the curtain as loud rock music begins playing.

Jeremy and Brittany catcall loudly as Quinn claps excitedly. A black high-heeled boot appears onstage. Quinn's eyes widen with surprise as her mouth drops open.

"Whaaaat is she wearing?"

Brittany laughs at Quinn's expression as Santana struts out on stage in fishnets, a leather corset, and dark eye make up.

_"I am strong, love is evil,_

_It's a version of perversion that is only for the lucky people."_

"Oh my god, she looks fucking hot!" Brittany giggles as she says it.

_"Take your time and do with me what you will,_

_I won't mind, you know I'm ill, you know I'm ill."_

"Well, that's one way to put it." Quinn says more to herself than anyone else. Her mouth suddenly feels very dry as she watches the girl dancing on stage.

_"Hit me like a man, love me like a woman,_

_From the devil deep inside, can't you see what I'm wanting?"_

The back up dancers are giving it their all too as they dance provocatively behind Santana as she works the stage, teasing the audience. The blonde girl can't help but stare at the Latina in awe, the corset showing off her curves.

"Fuckin' leather," She mutters to herself. "God, keep it in your pants, Fabray."

_"Some will give you hell, some will give you heaven,_

_So hit me like a man, love me like a woman,"_

As the song wraps up, she growls the final line.

_"Love me like a woman."_

As Santana finishes, people go crazy. Especially the ladies standing next to Quinn and Brittany, which causes her to glare at them.

After the crowd has died down a bit, Brittany leads them to a booth in a faraway corner. It's not until a few minutes later when the third performer is out on the stage that the Latina emerges from behind the curtain and joins them. She wears a big smile on her face.

"So what'd you guys think?"

"You were fucking hot!" Brittany exclaims proudly.

"Yeah," Quinn chimes in. "You sang really well." Her cheeks still flushed a bright red. She notices the Latina hasn't changed yet and so she tries to keep herself from staring in wrong places for too long, her hands feeling antsy.

"So I shouldn't walk around looking like this all the time?"

"Not unless you want to take up prostitution," Jeremy quips.

Santana turns her attention to Quinn, elbowing her. "Were you surprised?"

"Definitely…" Finally able to meet the Latina's eyes, she gains a bit more confidence. "You do look hot."

Santana grins. "Well, I'm going to grab a drink and then I'll join you guys."

As she makes her way over to the bar, the pair of girls that had been standing next to Brittany and Quinn during her performance join her.

"You were sooo good." One of the girls gushes. "I'm Sasha and this is Maya."

"Thanks, nice to meet you," Santana says, enjoying the attention.

"Any chance you'd save a dance for my friend here? She's kind of shy but she thinks you're really hot." She motions to the girl next to her who stands there blushing.

Before the Latina has a chance to respond, a pair of arms wrap around her waist.

"Sorry ladies, she's mine."

The other girls laugh somewhat apologetically. "Aw, sorry. We didn't know she was taken."

"It's all good," Haley says with a smile. "Hope you ladies have fun tonight."

Sasha and Maya walk away whilst they whisper amongst themselves.

"Hey, babe." The brunette plants a chaste kiss on Santana's lips.

"Hey… Um, what was that?"

"I didn't like the way they were all over you."

"Okay, but I can handle myself. And besides, we're not exclusive, Hales."

The girl pauses before responding. "I know, but still… It's weird having to watch other girls hit on you while I'm working… Sorry if I overstepped…"

The Latina gives a small sigh but smiles. "It's okay… I get it. Just let me handle them from now on, ok?"

"Okay."

Santana reaches out to grab her hand to relieve some of the tension. "So how about we get a drink and then I can introduce you to a couple of my friends?"

It seems to work as the brunette perks up a bit. "I'd like that."

Quinn watches the interaction from the corner of her eye while Brittany and Jeremy carry on a conversation on their own.

"So you don't think he looks like Mr. Clean?" Jeremy asks in a serious tone.

Brittany chuckles. "Not at all! I'm thinking more like Jason Statham."

"What do you think, Q?"

The blonde turns her attention back to the pair of them. "Um. What are we talking about?"

Jeremy raises an eyebrow. "Which one is her boyfriend's look-a-like. Mr. Clean or Jason Statham."

"Oh. Um. More like Statham, definitely."

"See?" Brittany says victoriously. "He's sexy."

"I wasn't saying he wasn't," Jeremy adds. "Just let me know if you're ever in the mood to date someone with a good head of hair."

Quinn looks horrified. "Oh my god, Jeremy. I can't take you anywhere."

Brittany cracks up. "You two are funny together... But you know, I might go for Siren if things don't work out with Chris."

Unable to tell whether or not she's joking they half nod, half laugh. At this point Santana and Haley make themselves over to the booth.

"Hey guys," Santana says rejoining the table. "Quinn and Jeremy, this is Haley… And you've already met Brittany."

"Yeah, of course. Hey, girl." She gives Brittany a friendly hug before turning to Quinn and Jeremy. "Nice to meet you guys. Did you enjoy the show?"

"Of course, what's not to enjoy?" Jeremy says. "I didn't realize Santana could move like that."

"Oh, you don't know the half of it," She says as she touches the Latina's arm.

The small gesture causes Quinn to feel sick.

"Are you okay, Q?" Santana asks worriedly.

The blonde girl shakes her head, trying to snap herself out of it. "Yeah, I'm fine… Nice to meet you, Haley… Did you want to join us?"

"I guess I will for a little bit but then I'll have to get back to work…" She takes a seat next to the Latina. "So, Santana told me about your trip to Thailand, that sounds really cool."

"Thanks. Yeah, it was definitely an adventure. Do you like working here?"

Santana laughs. "You asked me the same thing when we first met."

Quinn blushes but Haley answers anyway. "Sometimes. Chris is a great boss."

An uncomfortable silence passes for a few moments before Haley adds, "I should probably get back to work now."

Santana nods. "Ok, I'll see you after your shift is over."

Haley places a hand on the side of the girl's cheek, "You really were great, babe."

"Thanks." The Latina smiles as she pulls her in for a quick kiss before the girl leaves the table.

A sharp pain shoots through Quinn. Suddenly she feels like being anywhere but here. The roar of the music and the sound of the crowd fade into the background as her clouded thoughts take front and center.

"I… I have to go to the bathroom." And with that, the blonde girl leaves the booth without looking back and walks into the women's restroom.

The three of them watch Quinn leave before Brittany excuses herself as well. "I'm going to go check up on Chris. I'll be back in a few."

Now that Santana and Jeremy are alone at the table, she turns her attention to him. "Is Q ok? She's been acting kind of weird tonight."

"As far as I know, she's fine. She hasn't mentioned anything to me."

"Ok, well, that's good I guess. I hope she's still up for going to the wedding tomorrow."

"Me too. She was really excited about it earlier today so I'm thinking she'll still want to go... Not to mention it'll be the last time she really gets to hang out with you before she heads to Vermont for graduation and everything."

"Oh, yeah. When is she leaving exactly?"

"Monday morning… So at least she'll have Sunday to get her shit together and nurse her hangover."

"What makes you think she'll have a hangover?"

"Well, she's taking you isn't she?" He teases. "Besides, it's an open bar. No excuse not to."

"I like your thinking."

"Did you just tell Jeremy you liked his thinking?" Quinn interrupts, looking a little less nauseous than before.

Santana laughs. "He made a good point, I swear. Are you feeling better?"

The blonde nods. "Yeah, I don't know what came over me... I think I wanna head back though so I can make sure to get plenty of rest before the wedding tomorrow. Is that okay with you, Jer?"

"Yeah, that's fine by me."

"Cool." She turns her attention back to Santana. "So I'm thinking we'll leave around 4:30 to make sure to get there in time for the ceremony. Then we can hang out at the hotel until the reception at 7."

"Works for me." The brunette says with a smile. "I'm glad you could make it tonight."

"Yeah… You were really something. And Haley is pretty… I'll see you tomorrow."

"Word. I can't wait to change out of this fuckin' corset. Leather is really not as comfortable as you'd think it would be."

"Actually I never thought that at all," Jeremy chimes in.

"Shut up."

As the pair of them head out, Brittany returns to the table. "Aw, they're leaving already?"

Santana nods. "Yeah, I don't think Quinn was feeling very well and she wants to be sure to make it to the wedding tomorrow."

Brittany nods in understanding. "Well, time to dance!"

"Wait! I have to change—"

But the blonde already has a hold of her hand as she pulls her toward the dance floor.

"Dammit Britt!"

She laughs despite herself, her best friend always managing to make her smile.


	9. Chapter 9

"This is too weird," Quinn whispers to Santana. They're both seated in one of the church pews as the wedding ceremony commences.

"How do you mean?"

"A) Jeremy's sister is getting married. B) She's only a few years older than us… In a few years that could be you or me."

Santana stifles a laugh. "You should be a comedian."

"Hey, I wanna get married eventually."

"Really?" The Latina asks incredulously. "Is that a thing you would like to do?"

"Yes. That and base jumping."

"Sounds about right. Both require plummeting to your doom."

"I have no idea why I decided to bring you to a _wedding_ of all places. You're like the place where happy love comes to die."

"Happy love? Really, Q?"

The musical procession begins and every stands as the bride enters from the back of the church.

"Wow. She looks gorgeous." Quinn breathes.

"Eh. The dress is too lacey."

"You wouldn't be saying that if it was lingerie."

"Touché."

"Aw, David looks so happy seeing her walk down the aisle." The blonde starts to get a little teary eyed. "I want someone to look at me that way when I get married."

"Actually, he just looks like he wants to fuck her brains out."

"…And it's official: I'm never taking you to another wedding again."

After the ceremony, Santana and Quinn head to the hotel where the reception is being held with Jeremy. They all gather in one of their rooms. The blonde throws her arms around the beautiful brunette boy.

"I'm so happy for you, Jer! Your sister is married! She looked so great."

"Yeah, I think even I teared up a little bit."

"See, Santana? Weddings can be beautiful and romantic without your snide commentary."

"I'm just keeping it real."

"I feel like that's a 90's phrase."

"You really wanna go there, Ms. Happy Love?"

Quinn sighs. "I think I need a drink."

Jeremy laughs. "Sounds good to me! Let's raid the mini-bar." He walks over to the mini-bar and inspects the liquor. "Holy shit, these prices are ridiculous. How long until the reception?"

Santana checks her phone. "Half an hour."

He raises an eyebrow mischievously. "So, plenty of time then to grab a drink at the bar down the street?"

The girls exchange smiles. "You know what, Jeremy? There are times when I think you might be the only boy I'm able to love." Santana teases.

The three of them grab their jackets and head outside the hotel. With the cold wind chilling them to the bone, they run part of the way there. The dank bar is crowded when they arrive.

"Well, it is a Saturday night." Quinn says as if to explain the crowd. "Okay, we have like 10 minutes to do this shit. Santana, work your magic."

Santana makes a face at her. "Are you whoring me out for drinks now?"

"Fine. I'll do it."

The Latina stifles a laugh but not before Quinn catches her. "Oh, trust me. I can be just as persuasive as you can."

The blonde cozies up to one of the guys at the bar as she takes a seat next to him. He looks like he's still in college as he's surrounded by some of his buddies. She gently touches his arm as she laughs at something he says.

"Um, what the hell is she doing?" Santana mutters.

"Getting us free beer. Let the girl do her thing." Jeremy snickers.

The guy has his arm around her now as he whispers something in her ear.

"And that's enough of that." Santana walks over to the group. "Hey, Q, whatcha doing?"

"Hey, San… Just talking to some of my new friends here. This is Mark." She gestures to the guy beside her. At this point, Jeremy has joined them as well. "Hey, Jer."

"Hey cuz."

Mark speaks up at this point, "Well, you guys should come party with us. We're going bar hopping tonight." He smirks, leaning in toward Santana. "You know, my friend over there loves the Latinas."

"Well, does your friend also enjoy—"

"Hey, Mark." Quinn quickly interjects, cutting Santana off. "So, about that drink…" She distracts him by running her fingertips over his exposed forearm.

Now it's Santana's turn to interrupt. "Look, if you buy us all a drink, we'll make out in front of you." She motions to her and Quinn. Mark quickly motions to the bartender for 3 beers.

The blonde glares at her. "Um, no. We never agreed to that."

The bartender arrives with the beers. Mark puts his hands up in the air teasingly. "Well, beer's here. Someone should at least walk away from this with a kiss."

Quinn grabs one of the beers and takes a swig. Then she reaches over and grabs Mark by the nape of his neck and pulls him in for a quick kiss. He double fists pumps the air as his friends hoot and holler. "Thanks, Mark. Have fun tonight." She says with a smile.

"Anytime. You too, babe."

With that she gets off the barstool and hands the other beers to Santana and Jeremy. The Latina still looks stunned and Quinn quirks an eyebrow at her. "Drink up." They all chug their beers and then leave the bar in order to make it to the reception on time.

"I still can't believe you made out with a guy." Santana says somewhat bitterly as they walk briskly toward the hotel.

"Oh, hardly." The blonde says as she rolls her eyes. "Our lips touched for like less than a second. It was the kind of kiss you give the pope."

"Really? You'd kiss the pope like that?"

"If he was buying me a beer, yes, I would… I really fucking would."

At that, all three of them burst out laughing. They arrive at the reception just on time as Rose greets them excitedly.

"Quinnie! You look so grown up!" They embrace.

"You looked so pretty today. I'm so glad you found David."

"Yeah, he's just the best guy. Oh, and I never got to say sorry to hear about your parents divorcing."

The blonde laughs lightly. "Oh, don't be. It's better this way. I think they both opted out on coming so they could avoid each other… It is what it is."

Rose squeezes her hand. "Well, have some fun tonight. I'm so glad you're here." She then turns her attention to Jeremy.

"Baby brother!" She motions for him to give her a hug.

"I thought I told you to stop calling me that." He moans as he gives her a big hug. Santana and Quinn duck away to give them some time together. They end up at the open bar.

"See, if we had just waited 10 more minutes, you wouldn't have had to kiss that loser back there."

The blonde looks at her curiously. "Does it really bother you that much?"

Santana makes a face. "What? No, it doesn't _bother_ me—"

"Oh my god… Are you _jealous_?"

The brunette's face flushes a deep shade of red. "Whaaat? No! I don't get jealous… I think it was just weird seeing you kiss a guy."

Quinn shrugs a little. "Well, it didn't mean anything… Sides, it's nothing I didn't do in high school."

"So, you've been with a guy before?"

"Once, and it didn't feel right, which pretty much confirmed to me that I like girls…" Quinn takes a sip of her cranberry vodka. "But I did get a lot of practice in when it came to making out with them." She laughs dryly.

"Actually, I know what you mean… Except for me it was more than one."

"Really? How many?"

Santana shakes her head. "Not important… So where are we sitting?"

The blonde points to a table in the back where a group of weird looking guys are seated.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." Santana mutters.

Quinn laughs hysterically. "Tonight just keeps getting better and better."

"Maybe we should just hang out here."

A few minutes later, the girls make the way to their table as the toasts and speeches begin. It isn't long before it's Jeremy's turn to talk.

"First of all, I just want to thank everyone for coming out tonight… I've known David for about two years now but my sister has been with me since the day I was born... I'm pretty sure she's in all of my earliest memories I have as a child and growing up… And I can honestly say, I don't think I've ever seen her happier than she is now. And that's saying a lot cause we had some pretty good times together. So here's to Rose and David… If you break her heart, I'll fuck you up, man."

Everyone laughs and cheers as he finishes his toast, except for his mother who shoots him a look to which he shrugs innocently. Quinn laughs and nudges Santana. "See, he's really just a big softie… Are you crying?"

She shakes her head, trying to keep herself from getting emotional. "No. I think the alcohol's starting to get to me though."

Upon hearing this, one of the guys at the table speaks up. "Um, would you like me to get you another drink?" He asks meekly.

"Fuck off, you hairless Jew."

When he looks like he's about to start crying, Quinn quickly reaches out to grab his arm. "I'm really sorry, Charlie. She didn't mean it." The boy nods, still sniffling a bit into the arm of his jacket. In a hushed tone, she turns to the Latina. "Santana, you can't go around hurting people's feelings every time you feel an emotion."

She sighs in exasperation. "Sorry, Charlie… You have a nice… Scalp."

_But sorry about the nose._

Quinn pats her arm approvingly. "Don't worry, San. Your secret is safe with me."

"Bite me."

Finally the toasts are over and the DJ starts spinning. People are already feeling the effects of the alcohol as they make their way to the dance floor. Santana and Quinn are dancing in their seats, both laughing again. Jeremy joins them.

"How are my two favorite ladies?"

Santana laughs. "Amazing! The bartender is soo niice."

Jeremy snickers. "I should be sitting back here. Seems like this is where the party is at."

Quinn grabs onto his arm. "Yesss. Come sit back here." She giggles.

"Q, I talked to the DJ. He says you can sing your song next."

"Sounds good!" The blonde jumps up from her seat.

"Wait, what?" The Latina asks confused.

"I told Rose I would sing for them as a wedding gift."

"You can sing?"

"You're not the only one full of surprises." Quinn teases. "I can't sing like you can but it's still fun."

The DJ interrupts them as he speaks into the mic, "Ok, now we're going to have one of the bride's cousins sing a song for the bride and groom. Miss Quinn Fabray?"

A couple of her family members cheer. The blonde disappears into the crowd, making her way up onto the slightly elevated "stage." Santana stands up and makes her way to the dance floor with Jeremy.

"Hey, everyone... I just want to say congrats to Rose and David. This song is called Yellow by Coldplay."

"So, do you wanna dance?" Jeremy offers his hand.

Santana chuckles. "Sure, why not?"

The music starts as she grabs Jeremy's hand.

_"Look at the stars,_

_Look how they shine for you,_

_And everything you do,_

_Yeah, they were all yellow."_

The Latina closes her eyes, listening to Quinn's voice.

_"I came along,_

_I wrote a song for you,_

_And all the things you do,_

_And it was called 'Yellow.'"_

She watches the girl sing as she sways to the music with Jeremy. There were certain moments when she could look at Quinn and swear that she was the most beautiful girl in the world… And this was one of those moments.

_"Your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones,_

_Turn into something beautiful,_

_D'you know? You know I love you so,_

_You know I love you so."_

Quinn feels the girl looking at her and gives her a smile.

_"Look at the stars,_

_Look at how they shine for you,_

_And all the things you do."_

Everyone claps as she finishes. She takes a little bow before saying, "Thank you." Santana's breath catches in her throat as the blonde approaches them. "Mind if I cut in, Jer?"

"No problem."

They stare at each other for a while before Santana averts her gaze, smiling. "You're so cute sometimes."

Quinn smiles back, "Thanks, I guess." Suddenly, La Vie En Rose by Edith Piaf starts playing. "Oh my god, we have to dance to this. This is one of my all time favorites." She pulls Santana into her, wrapping her arms around her.

"I don't get the big deal about this song. I don't even know what she's saying."

The blonde chuckles. "Well, I might be partial to it since I took high school French… But I think most people can feel what she's saying through the emotion in her voice."

Santana's thoughts grow fuzzy, as her mind is more concentrated on the feeling of Quinn's body pressed against hers. "Maybe you have a point." The girls slow dance to the song, the Latina getting lost in the scent of the blonde's lavender hair and the heat radiating from her body. The song ends, causing the other girl to pull away from her. "So back to the bar?" She says with a smile as Santana nods, returning the smile.

An hour or so later the Latina helps Quinn find her way to their hotel room. She giggles as they walk down the hallway.

"The caaarpet feels funny."

Santana laughs along with her. "Oh, jeez."

Finally they find their room and Santana helps her to the bed, the blonde not letting go of her, causing her to fall down on top of her. The darker haired girl doesn't get up immediately, letting herself enjoy the feeling of their bodies pressed together once again. Quinn smiles as she reaches up to trace a finger along the outside of Santana's lips.

"I waaant to kiss you so badly." She laughs despite herself, finally removing her finger. "But Haaaley…" She says with a sigh.

"Quinn, I—"

The blonde puts her finger back on the girl's lips quieting her. "It's s'okay, San." Her voice softer now, as she feels sleep overtaking her. "If she loves you even half as much as I do, you'll be fine."

And it's the way she says the words so nonchalantly that breaks the other girl's heart. She watches as the blonde girl closes her eyes, drifting off to sleep. A sense of fear and panic overcome Santana almost immediately as she sits up on the bed.

When Quinn wakes up the next morning, the girl is gone.


	10. Chapter 10

Santana sits by the window in her apartment, overlooking the city. The cloudy weather makes everything look shadowed and gloomy as people rush about trying to avoid the storm that's brewing. She starts, as she hears the loud banging on her front door. The sound echoes throughout the hallow walls of her apartment.

She sighs and steels herself for whatever awaits her. Dragging her feet, she makes her way over to the door and opens it. She's greeted by the sight of Quinn standing there, furious, still wearing her dress from the night before.

"Hi," Santana whispers meekly.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Quinn pushes past the darker haired girl into her apartment. She waits for her to close the door before continuing. "So are you going to give me an explanation for last night or what?"

"I left you a note…"

"Yeah and the note said 'sorry, something came up,' it's not exactly an explanation."

"Look, Quinn, you said something last night that made me realize that things between us aren't as simple as I would like to believe."

"What could I possibly say that's so bad that it would make you walk out on me?"

"It wasn't like that—"

"Then what was it like, Santana."

The darker haired girl sighs, "I don't know if we should do this right now."

"Just fucking tell me."

"Okay… When we got back to the hotel room, you told me you loved me."

Quinn looks at her incredulously, "So the first thing that comes to your head is to just abandon ship and leave me there by myself?" She pauses, deciding to tread carefully. "Besides, I could've just meant as a friend."

"You didn't."

The blonde girl sighs in exasperation. "Why couldn't you just let it go then? I was drunk! Pretend like I never said anything about anything. That's what a normal person would do… Especially if…" A sharp pain shoots through her stomach as the realization dawns on Quinn. "…They don't feel the same way."

Seeing the hurt in Quinn's expression, Santana tries to grab her arm but the blonde girl pushes her away. "It's not like _that_ either, Q. Why couldn't you just tell me before?"

"Really? Then what is it like Santana? And how about because I knew this is how you'd react? That you'd push me away. How about because I wanted you in my life even if it meant that I couldn't have you the way I wanted you? I knew you weren't ready to hear it."

"…I care about you."

The words hurt more than comfort. "Not good enough."

The darker haired girl shakes her head, trying again. "I didn't think it would be fair if I just ignored your feelings and pretended it didn't happen. I didn't realize that I was hurting you—"

"So how is this better?" Quinn's eyes fill with tears, realizing she isn't going to get the answer she wants.

Santana pauses, trying to think of a way to make things better but coming up short. "I don't want to lose you either, Quinn. You're one of the most important things—"

"Stop it. Just fucking stop it. You wanted to get into this so let's do it… I love you. Is that what you want to hear?"

The Latina doesn't answer.

"You're a hypocrite, Santana! What do you want from me? You don't want to ignore the problem but you don't want to talk about it either… If you don't love me just tell me so I can move on."

Fighting back the tears, she turns to meet Santana's eyes. Under her gaze, she sees the darker haired girl flinch, shifting her confidence.

"You can't say it can you?"

"Look, maybe things would be different if we met at a different point in our lives… Just, it's complicated…" Now it's her turn to avoid the blonde's gaze. She steadies her jaw, hating the feeling of hurting the girl she cares about.

Santana's unwillingness to say the words give Quinn the courage to give it one last try as she prepares for what she's about to say next. "We wouldn't work if we had met in the future. I'd be that girl who pretends everything's all right when it isn't and you'd be too far gone by then, completely shut off from everyone else. And we wouldn't have worked if we met in the past, we'd both be too young and wrapped up in ourselves, and the rest of our shit. We work together _now_. Even though it's hard… This is how it's supposed to be. I'll stay in New York and we can just _be_ together."

Quinn trembles slightly feeling the weight of her words, meanwhile trying to gauge the other girl's reaction. When she isn't able to make out Santana's expression, a little pang of fear shoots through her but she quiets it so she can finish. When she continues, there's an earnest pleading in her voice as she tries to make the other girl understand.

"I'm not talking about forever… but I'm talking about a real relationship where we're the only two people involved and the rest of the world doesn't matter. The type of relationship that normal people have, we can have that. Where we see each other as much as we can despite the hours we work, and when we go to bed every night, it's in each other's arms, or at least thinking about one another. And even though it might not seem like much, it's enough for us because we love each other... Don't you want that, San? I want that for us." As she finishes, her voice cracks, suddenly sounding scared and vulnerable. The following seconds that pass in the wake of them, feeling like hours.

"Quinn." And the way Santana says it, it all sounds so final.

The blonde girl can't hold back the tears anymore as she lets herself cry, the feeling cutting like a knife into her side so that she has to hold herself up with her arm. And as soon as the pain hits, the anger that follows is immediate. The blonde girl slaps her, hard. "I hate you…" The words come out in between choked back sobs. "I hate you so much." The tears don't stop but before she can say anything else Santana grabs her arms before the girl can hit her again.

Santana's head is reeling. The sight of the girl in front of her makes her hurt more than she could ever imagine. Her heart breaks with the ache of knowing she's the one responsible, only she doesn't know how to fix it. "Q, stop…" So instead of fixing, she tries to distract the both of them, not realizing her words until they've already left her mouth. "If you don't leave right now, I'm going to fuck you."

Feeling Quinn hesitate, she pushes her lips against hers, running her hands along her body. The kisses are deep and hungry. The taste of her salty tears mixed in with her chapstick makes each one of them bittersweet. It takes a few moments before Quinn's body reacts to hers and when it does, Santana grabs her by her thighs and sets her on the dining room table. The blonde girl arches her back as she feels the other girls' lips against her neck, causing her heart to beat frantically. The darker haired girl slides her hands under her dress, tracing her fingertips along her inner thigh, watching the girl shiver under her touch. The feeling of them causing Quinn's body to radiate heat in the places that she needs her the most. Santana stops suddenly as a questioning look crosses her face. Quinn's eyes shoot open in realization.

"Santana, don't," she pleads but the darker haired girl has already lifted up her dress as she inspects the scars on her inner thigh. Even though they're healed, the pain behind the cuts linger.

"Quinn." And this time as Santana says it, her voice is soft and full of hurt.

"It was a long time ago… I was stupid then…" The blonde girl says, a feeling of shame washing over her. The darker haired girl shakes her head before grabbing her by the hand and leading her to her bedroom.

"Take off your dress," Santana tells her as she removes her top and her jeans.

The blonde hesitates, fear overtaking her for more than one reason. "Haley…"

"That's over… We broke up before the wedding." Santana makes her way to the edge of the bed, leaning back on her elbows. "Take off your dress."

"Why?"

"She didn't want me to go… _Now take off your dress_."

Trembling, she finally does as she's told, revealing the lace undergarments underneath. Her hands make a feeble attempt at covering herself up, feeling a little too vulnerable underneath the girl's piercing gaze.

"Stop that. _Come here_." Quinn walks over to her, averting her eyes. "_Look at me_." Green meets Santana's dark brown. "The scars don't matter to me… _You're beautiful_." She runs her fingertips along the girl's forearm before pulling her down to the bed. The green eyes fill with sorrow at her words but their trust is implicit. This time when Santana kisses her, it's filled with longing. A longing to give the girl what she needs but since she can't, it's a longing that she feels all the way down to her bones.

Santana's kisses cover her scars along her inner thigh, working themselves toward Quinn's sex. The kisses saying all the things that the brown eyed girl can't bring herself to say. Things that scare her. Instead, she loses herself in Quinn. Blonde hair that smells of lavender versus Santana's vanilla. Smooth, honey skin beneath her caramel. Natural pink lips against her swollen red. Her fingers and tongue creating a steady rhythm. Quinn's heat controlled by Santana's cool, steady hand. Perfect complements. The rhythm increasing… Faster… Faster… Until their desire blossoms into ecstasy, a sex haze settling over them. Exhaustion setting in as they allow the haze to overcome them, still high off one another; finally giving themselves over to sleep.

Only this time when Santana wakes, it's her who's left alone.

_[\\]_

"So, that's it then?" Brittany looks at her friend in confusion as she recounts the story.

"I guess so." Santana sighs and takes another sip of her vodka.

"San…" The blonde looks at her sadly, knowing that her words will hurt her friend. "One day very soon one of you is going to get tired of running... Only you've been running ever since I can remember… Do you really think Quinn ever stood a chance? Did you really think she would be able to keep up with you?"

The darker haired girl throws back the rest of her drink and slams it down onto the bar. "Fuck you." She walks away, letting Britt's words sink in. Feeling their truth underneath the sting.

As she's about to leave the bar, she sees a girl staring at her from across the room. She meets the girl's gaze, deciding to take her home. They fall onto her bed, hands working quickly. Santana kisses along the girl's skin as she tries to get out of her own head. She moves her hands along the girl's body, working her up like she's done to so many girls before her. But this time, somehow, it's wrong. The girl doesn't taste like the girl in her memory. Her skin doesn't carry the same heat. The smell of lavender is replaced by strawberries, which despite being her favorite fruit, makes her feel sick. Sick to her stomach. _She's not Quinn._ The other girl feels Santana's body freeze above her own and flips her over so she's on top. Before she has a chance to go down on her, Santana stops her.

"I can't do this. I'm sorry," she tries to hide the disgust in her voice, not wanting to hurt the girl's feelings. "Please, leave." She faces away from the girl. Only when she hears the front door of her apartment slam does she give herself over to her feelings. The pain and disgust wash over her, the familiar feeling leaving her empty. Only this time, she knows the reason, and it's a realization that hits her a little too late. The words she couldn't bring herself to say only hours earlier haunting her, digging the knife in a little deeper with each recitation. The hurt look on the other girl's face because of their absence.

_I love you, too._

But they're hollow words, ones that exist only in her head. With no one there to say them to, their existence a mere figment of her imagination. Her body grows weary, shutting down as she cries herself to sleep, like she's done so many nights before.


	11. Chapter 11

"Why do copy machines look so much more complicated than they are?" Quinn looks quizzically at the brunette standing next to her. "Seriously, half these buttons don't even need to be on here."

Amy gives a small laugh in reply. "Good to know Vermont didn't change you."

The blonde rolls her eyes. "Oh, Vermont… Well, you can't say it didn't try." She presses the copy button and the two friends lean against the machine while people around them hustle about.

"That bad, huh?"

"It is what it is. I kinda felt like it would be a mistake to stay for Christmas but I figured since I was moving here afterward, it might be worth it to give it one last try."

The machine sighs as the last copy shoots out. Amy grabs the papers as Quinn opens the lid to retrieve the original. "Your mom is really something. I still can't believe she tried to set you up with a guy."

"Trust me, it's really not that surprising given her history. I'm just lucky I left before she had a chance to sign me up for Bible camp."

"You still have so much to fill me in on." Amy teases as she leads the way through the aisles of the office. When they reach their destination, the brunette knocks on the side of the door. "Hey Betty, we've got the copies."

A pair of ladies stand inside the office, lost in conversation. The older woman with bright eyes and curly hair waves them inside. Her gentle voice and dainty mannerisms put them all at ease. "Anna, I want you to meet Amy and Quinn. They're two of our tutors. Amy started with us a few weeks ago and Quinn—"

The younger woman breaks out into a warm smile as she finally gets a good look at the blonde. "Quinn Fabray? Fancy seeing you here." Her dark eyes sparkle as they meet hers. The woman's elegant features are overshadowed by her dirty blonde hair and the way the other girl's name rolls off her tongue, her confident stance both intimidating and alluring at the same time.

Quinn returns her smile and quirks her eyebrow in surprise. "Anna."

"You two know each other?" The older woman asks curiously.

"Yeah, sorry, Betty. We met at that literacy convention a week ago." Anna explains. "I know you require all your new recruits to attend so I wanted to check it out… Quinn, how did you not mention that you worked here?"

The blonde blushes slightly. "I thought I had… I must've gotten distracted…" Feeling the awkwardness of the statement she adds, "…With all the learning I was doing."

Betty chuckles in amusement. "Well, I'm glad to know it wasn't a waste of your time then. Anna is helping us set up a program to help out ESL students after school."

Amy smiles. "Wow, that sounds great." She extends her hand to the other woman. "I'm Amy Richardson by the way."

The other woman takes her hand. "Nice to meet you. I just go by Anna." After they shake, she turns her attention to Quinn. "It's really great to see you again."

Something about the flirtatious twinkle in the girl's eye makes the blonde stumble over her words. "Yeah… You too."

"So, we never got that coffee…"

"We should do that."

"Of course, I'll call you or something." She then turns to the other two women in the room. "Well, it's been great talking to you ladies. I'll be back on Wednesday, Betty."

She gives a tiny wave to everyone before bowing out. "Great to see you again, Anna." Betty calls out after her. After the girl is gone, Amy gives Quinn a firm elbow to the ribs. The blonde glares at her as she rubs her stomach.

"Amy."

"Don't play, Fabray. You know what that was for."

Betty interrupts their bickering. "Is there something you want to tell us, Quinn?"

Amy mutters underneath her breath. "Yeah, slutting it up at the literacy convention I see."

The blonde opens her mouth in surprise. "Nothing like that! We just had a great conversation about tutoring overseas. She's been all over the world. I was impressed since she can't be much older than us." She motions to her and Amy.

The older woman nods knowingly. "Anna is an impressive girl... Alright, back to work you two."

Quinn and Amy shuffle out of the office. "I can't believe you never told me about her… She's hot."

"Well, there really isn't anything to tell. I wasn't ready for anything to happen then."

"And now?"

"We'll see."

"You deserve to be happy, Q."

"I know that. I am happy. And I do want to be with someone like Anna. Someone I don't have to convince to be with me. Someone who just wants me for me."

The brunette sighs as she touches her friend's arm. "Santana will work out her shit on her own time. Just do your thing, girl."

Quinn nods with a smile. "You're right. Actually, I'm meeting her for coffee later on today."

"Have you spoken to her much while you were away?"

"A couple of times but I haven't really seen her since I've been back in New York."

"Well, that should be interesting."

The blonde sighs ruefully. "Yep. It would all be a lot easier if I'd just be okay not having her in my life, but we get certain things about each other that other people don't understand." When the brunette gives her a questioning look she explains further, "We both have the unfortunate luck of being born into families who don't know how to love us properly."

Amy nods. "Well, I think it's great that you're trying to stay friends. I don't know if I could do it."

"Me either, honestly." Quinn adds. "But I figure it's worth a shot."

_[\\]_

The coffee shop is just starting to fill up when Santana makes her way inside. She spots the pretty blonde at one of the tables near the window and takes a deep breath before approaching her, trying to remember her practiced words. She reminds herself not to make too much eye contact. Staring at her too long would only cloud her judgment. Those pesky words on the tip of her tongue, trying to claw their way out. The Latina in a constant battle to swallow them.

"Nice to have you back in New York."

_I love you._

The two of them exchange a quick, serviceable hug. "Yeah… Sorry we haven't gotten together soon but I've been busy with the move and everything… How was your Christmas?"

"Pretty good. I had fun hanging out with Brittany and her family. Chris made an appearance too. What about you?"

_I love you._

"Oh, it was fine. I'm kinda over my mother at this point but I'm okay."

"So… how's the new job?"

_I love you._

"Great… It's just kind of weird working in an office right now. But once I finish training, it'll all be worth it."

Santana nods, fidgeting a bit. Silencing the words at last. "Well, that's good to hear."

"So how are things for you?"

"Pretty good…" A moment of silence passes between the two before Santana works up the nerve to say what she has to say. "Look, Q. I know things have been kind of weird between us ever since… And I just want you to know that I do—"

"No, I know. That you do… in your own way."

"Ok. Cause it did mean a lot to me and I don't think I've conveyed that all that well."

"Santana… We don't have to talk about it anymore. I just need a little time. Being rejected is never fun and I'll get over it… I have gotten over it… But there's still a part of me that doesn't feel completely comfortable being around you right now."

Despite the sting of her words, the Latina continues. "I can understand that. I just want you to know that I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I don't want you to regret…"

"I don't regret it, San. I was curious what it would be like… I know that you care about me, I do. We just want different things right now and that's okay. _We'll_ be okay… I just need some time to get comfortable… If that makes sense…"

The darker haired girl nods. "Yeah, of course." She shifts in her chair. "So were you going to stay and watch us perform?"

"Actually, I've got some stuff that I need to do. And I'm going to meet up with Jeremy later…"

"Q, I thought we would be able to hang out together at least for a little bit. I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."

"I know. We'll see each other soon… I didn't realize you were going to be late."

"Well, it's New York. I got caught up."

The blonde nods, somewhat irritated. "Ok, then… Well, I'm gonna go. I'll see you around?"

"Yeah."

She watches the blonde get up and sighs in frustration as she watches her walk away. The lingering scent of lavender distracting her a little bit, not to mention the way her hair fell across her face…

_Stop it._

These were all things the Latina convinced herself she could do without for the time being. Even if she hadn't done a very good job of it, it was necessary. And so for right now, she was okay with being swept away in the music.

_[\\]_

"You were so great, San." Brittany says proudly as they sit down together after their set.

"Thanks, B."

"So how did things go today with Quinn?"

"They went… I just feel like I've fucked things up a little too much this time."

"Well, she's still talking to you so there's that."

"I hate myself for hurting her." The Latina looks mournfully at her hands.

"I know that, San. Have you told her that?"

"I tried but I can't fully confess my feelings at this point because I know it wouldn't mean anything. I have to get us back to a good place before I even think about doing that… It's hard."

"Maybe you should write her a sonnet or something."

"What the fuck?"

The blonde shrugs nonchalantly. "It worked for Shakespeare."

The Latina lets out a small laugh. "Oh, man. Anyway, Quinn isn't the type of girl you just go around saying 'I love you' to… She's the type of girl that when you do say those words to, you better be prepared to offer her the whole world too. Anything less and you don't deserve her."

"So what's the game plan?"

"…There isn't one. Not really anyway. Where do I begin? She seemed different today. What if she's outgrowing me? I don't even know what I want to do with my life!"

"Well, that spiraled out of control fairly quickly."

"I'm not joking, Britt! My current living situation doesn't exactly scream stable, mature adult."

"We're in our early 20s, no one knows what the fuck they're doing… Just be yourself."

"Who the fuck am I?" She pauses, perplexed by her own question. "Maybe we should just get drunk."

"No way am I drinking with you tonight. Not when you're like this."

Santana sighs and presses her forehead against the edge of the table. Brittany reaches out to comfort her. "Being in love is the worst."

"There are worse things… And Quinn already loves you Santana. She doesn't need the whole world from you. She just wants to know that you love her too."

"It sounds better when you say it like that."

"That's what I'm here for."

The darker haired girl lets out a sigh, finally lifting her head up from the table. "So, about that drink…" Brittany laughs and gives her friend a little slap on the shoulder. "Our meeting earlier today just feels so unsatisfying after not being able to see her for a month. I mean, I thought about flying to Vermont to try to fix things but what was I supposed to say? I know I deserve it but sometimes you just want to shake the other person and make them realize how you feel about them."

"Well, maybe that's how Quinn felt about you."

"God, Brittany. You can be so annoying sometimes."

"Also what I'm here for."

"I can be so selfish."

"True."

"Why are we even friends?"

"I've decided I'll go ahead and buy you a beer. Only one."

The darker haired girl shoots her a smile. "Good timing."


	12. Chapter 12

The weather is bright and sunny as Santana makes her way toward the Central Park Zoo. A couple weeks had passed since her meeting with Quinn at the coffee shop and not much had progressed between them since. They still talked and even saw each other occasionally, though it always felt like the blonde girl was holding back. But every now and again she would give her one of those smiles or look at her in a certain way that kept Santana hopeful that she would come around.

She pauses briefly, seeing the blonde waiting for her by the entrance. The girl leans against the wall as she texts on her phone and smiles to herself.

_I wonder who she's texting. I wonder whom she's smiling for._

As she approaches her, she notices the way the sun makes her hair glow, causing Santana's breath to catch in her throat, if only for a moment.

"Hey, you."

The blonde girl looks up and gives her a small smile, her eyes not fully visible beneath her shades. "Hey… Anna said she's going to be running late but we go ahead without her."

The brown-eyed girl nods. "Yeah, works for me. Shall we?" She motions toward the entrance and the pair of them enter the zoo grounds together.

"So what did you want to see first?"

"It's your first time here, you should decide."

Quinn pauses to grab one of the zoo maps and gives it a look. "Oh my god… They have penguins! Best thing ever."

"Did you want to go there first?"

"We should wait for that one. Anna likes penguins too."

Santana does everything in her power not to roll her eyes. "Ok, we can do that one last. Let's just start walking then and see where we end up."

"Works for me."

They continue their stroll through the park, reaching the sea lions first. The girls lean against the rails as they watch the zookeepers feed them fish.

"So…" The brunette gives a quick look toward Quinn. "It seems like you really like Anna."

The blonde doesn't meet her eyes when she answers, focusing her attention on the sea lions. "Yeah, she's great. We've only hung out a couple times outside of work so it's not like we're together yet."

_Yet._

"Well, if you like her, I'm sure I'll like her."

Quinn looks toward her now with a slight smile. "Thanks, San. I hope you will."

Once the feeding is finished, they make their way toward the Tropic Zone. The blonde is messing with the map when the wind blows it out of her hands. She lets out a small squeal, freezing for a second as she debates whether or not to chase after it. She's broken from the trance by Santana's loud laughter. Instead of going after the map, she blushes and slaps the girl on the arm.

"It's not funny!" She protests timidly.

"The sound… you made… definitely was…" The darker haired girl manages as she comes up for air. And something about the way the girl bends over, almost in tears, causes Quinn to laugh too.

"Oh my god. I can't take you anywhere."

At this, Santana straightens up. "Literally. Now we're going to get lost in here and it'll be all your fault."

Enjoying the levity between them, the blonde decides to play along. "Well, if we get stuck in here, I'm moving in with the baby sheep."

"Where does that leave me?"

"You can have the snakes."

"Yeah, don't think so… Anyway, I thought you liked the penguins."

"Well, I'm being practical."

"Since when?"

Quinn's phone buzzes, interrupting them. The blonde reaches into her bag and sighs disappointedly as she types out a text. "Anna can't make it after all…" Suddenly sounding a bit defensive she adds, "And even if I might be a bit reckless with some things, I have to be practical with other things."

"I'm not a fan of being practical."

The blonde shoots her a weak smile. "I noticed."

The two of them continue walking in silence as they make their way toward the next exhibit. A cool breeze passes over them causing a tingling sensation against Santana's skin as it mixes with the sun's warmth. "Sorry about Anna."

"It's okay. She has a good excuse. I'll see her tomorrow anyway."

"What's the excuse?"

"Betty called her into a meeting at the last second. We're going to be launching this literacy program we've been working on tomorrow and she's in charge of it."

"Wow, impressive."

Quinn shrugs noncommittally as she takes off her sunglasses. "Yeah. So how about we just skip to the penguins?"

The darker haired girl nods. "Yeah, of course."

The girls stand inside the penguin exhibit for a long while, watching the penguins dive into the water and waddle about. Santana watches Quinn out of the corner of her eye, as she seems almost transfixed by them. The cool of the ice getting to the girl as the sensation sends goose bumps along her alabaster skin. Her breaths coming out in little puffs of smoke that quickly disappear as soon as they leave her mouth. She catches Santana off guard when she turns to her, finally seeing the green of her eyes.

"I've changed my mind... I'd choose the penguins."

The pair of them decide to make their way to the gift shop before calling it a day. As they enter, they're overwhelmed by the variety of animal knick-knacks that are sprawled across the store.

"Hmm… this one is interesting." Quinn giggles as she picks up a rubber snake whose eyes are somewhat lopsided.

"I thought you'd go for something more like this." Santana says holding up a little dart frog figurine.

"Cute." The blonde agrees as they move their way toward the back of the store. She busies herself looking at the stuffed animals. "What about this one?" She turns to the darker haired girl but doesn't see her there. "Santana?"

Suddenly, a plush elephant mask comes up from behind and attacks her. "RAAAWWWRRR."

Quinn startles but breaks out into laughter when she sees the girl behind the mask. "Hey there, Mr. Elephant. You might want to get your throat checked out since I'm pretty sure that's not how elephants are supposed to sound."

"It could be sick." Santana says defensively.

The blonde smiles and grabs the trunk of the elephant mask, pulling it closer. She plants a kiss on its cheek. "Feel better." She whispers huskily into its ear.

The darker haired girl closes her eyes for a moment, pretending the kiss is meant for her. She can almost feel the heat against her cheek but she quickly snaps herself out of it. When she pulls the mask off, Quinn is already looking at the knick-knacks on the back wall. She puts the mask back before joining her. "I can't believe they're even allowed to sell elephant masks since there don't even have any elephants."

Quinn nods, agreeing. "Such a scam." She smiles as she pulls out a little penguin water globe that reads Central Park Zoo on the bottom. "I like this one."

Santana smiles. "Yeah, that one suits you… Hey, did you want to get dinner tomorrow? You know, to celebrate the launch of that literacy program."

The blonde quirks an eyebrow at her curiously. The darker haired girl swallows, adding nervously, "You can bring Anna too since she's in charge of it and all."

She nods. "Okay, sure. Did you want to invite Brittany?"

"Yeah, I'll ask her."

Quinn gives her a smile. "That'll be nice. That way you can both meet her at the same time."

And with that, the blonde makes her purchase and they leave the zoo grounds together.

_[\\]_

Santana fidgets as she watches the door to the diner. Brittany clamps her hand over hers as all her sporadic movements are driving her crazy.

"Calm down, will you?"

The darker haired girl sighs but nods.

"This milkshake is delicious by the way. Have some."

She passes the chocolate drink to Santana who takes a quick sip. "Yeah, it is good."

The bell rings as a couple enters. The darker haired girl sits rigid until she realizes it isn't them.

"I don't know why you're being like this." Brittany reasons. "You put yourself in this situation."

"Yeah, because if I don't make an attempt to be friends with Anna then Quinn is going to shut me out."

"I get that but please relax. You're making _me_ nervous."

The darker haired girl furrows her brow in worry but when Brittany grabs her hand again, she nods and calms herself down.

"You guys make a cute couple." A voice interrupts. Santana looks up to see a girl with dirty blonde hair.

"And you are?"

Suddenly, Quinn pops up beside her causing Santana to stand up anxiously. "Sorry, I dropped one of my gloves in the parking lot." She explains to the girl. When she notices Santana standing she adds, "Hey… This is Anna."

"Hi, Anna." Brittany greets cheerily.

"Yeah, nice to meet you." Santana adds less cheerily.

"Yeah, it's great to meet you guys." She turns toward the darker haired girl. "You must be Santana."

She nods as the two of them make their way into the booth. She sits back down. "Yeah, I wasn't sure what kind of food you liked so I just picked somewhere close."

"Oh, that's fine." Anna says with a smile. "I like everything really."

"Anna knows a lot about food actually. Her parents own a restaurant." Quinn adds. "She won't tell me which one though."

Anna gives her a teasing smile. "It's too early to bring family into it."

"It might always be too early for that." Quinn shoots back returning the smile.

The pair of them exchange a quick glance before Anna turns her attention back to Santana and Brittany. "So how long have you two been together?"

The darker haired girl blushes. "Oh. We're not... Together."

"Yeah," Brittany adds with a laugh. "We went through that in high school."

"Oh sorry, I just thought—"

"You never told me you two dated." Quinn says, looking directly at Santana.

The girl doesn't meet her eyes though so Brittany tries to smooth things over by saying, "We don't really talk about it much since it seems like it was such a long time ago. I'm just glad we could stay friends."

Anna nods in understanding. "That's really cool. I'm still friends with a couple of my exes."

"You are?" Quinn asks suddenly feeling unsure about this whole dinner thing.

"Yeah." The girl nods as she turns her attention back to her. "As long as you both agree to stay strictly friends, I think it's possible. Don't you?"

Now it's Quinn's turn to blush. "I guess... I'm not sure if it's ever really worked out for me though."

"Really?" Anna seems interested. "I can't imagine anyone willing to let go of you completely."

"It's harder though if there are strong feelings involved. Then you just end up hurting the other person all the time without meaning to."

"I can see that. I haven't really been in love before so I'm sure that would make things harder." She smiles at Quinn. "Maybe you can help me out with that."

"So…" Santana interrupts. "How'd the opening go?"

Anna smiles. "It went really well actually. I think we're going to be able to help out a lot of students."

"It's really cool what you and Quinn do." Brittany adds. "You get to go home every night feeling good about yourself."

"Well, what is it you do?" Anna asks the blonde.

"Well, I work in a boutique with Santana during the weekdays but other than that I try to dance as much as possible."

"Oh, that's awesome." The girl with dirty blonde hair says sincerely. "I love going to the ballet and stuff like that. See, I can't dance worth a shit so I love watching other people who can. You should go home every night feeling good about yourself too. I envy you."

Brittany smiles. "This is why I love New York. There are people here who actually enjoy theater and ballet and stuff without everyone thinking they're lame."

The other girl smiles back. "I agree… Everyone should date at least one dancer in their lifetime though, the things they can do with their bodies are incredible."

Quinn elbows her in the ribs as Brittany cracks up. "Anna."

The girl throws her hands into the air innocently. "Hey, that's all in my past. I have you now."

Santana watches the whole thing. She watches Quinn's smile; she watches the way they banter. She watches the way that she makes conversation so easily with Brittany and herself as if she belonged there. Almost as if she had been there the whole time, only she didn't realize it before. She watches, only speaking when necessary. She watches how the girl makes Brittany smile, even smiling despite herself every once and awhile. But mostly she watches as she works her way into Quinn's heart.

When they finish dinner, they all say goodbye and head out into the night. As Santana turns to walk away, she hears a voice call out to her.

"San!" She turns and watches as the blonde runs toward her, locking her in a firm embrace. "Thank you." She whispers.

Santana grips her tightly, making the hug last as long as possible. She closes her eyes and breathes Quinn in, soaking in the scent of her lavender and enjoying the heat of her body close to hers, not knowing when she'll be able to feel it again. She ignores the pain that shoots straight through her because she knows that it's a dull pain compared to what awaits her. After all, letting her go is always the hardest part.


	13. Chapter 13

"What do you think about these?" Anna holds out three different candles to Quinn, letting her sniff each one.

The blonde crinkles her face slightly. "Not vanilla."

"Everyone likes vanilla."

"Not me… Well, I mean, it reminds me of someone."

"Ooh… A girl?

"Yes."

"You were in love with her?"

"Something like that… It's not really important. It doesn't bother me too much but I wouldn't go out and buy a candle of it to torture myself with."

"Well, they're not for you. They're for the fundraiser."

"I know, silly. But you asked…" She playfully tickles Anna in the ribs. "I'd go for the sea breeze one. New Yorkers should know what the ocean smells like."

"And it's our duty to educate them, huh?"

Quinn shrugs. "Why not?"

"It was nice of Brittany and Santana to talk the owner of the boutique into letting us use the place."

"Yeah…" The blonde says a bit nervously. "It'll be good for business too."

The two of them sort through various decorations as they put things into boxes to take with them to the event. "How does it feel to help plan your first fundraiser?"

"Feels great. I wouldn't have thought it's something I'd ever be doing but it'll help us raise money for the literacy program so it's something I believe in."

"I think there are a lot of things you could accomplish if you put your mind to it."

The blonde gives her a quick smile, "Thanks. You too."

"So, vanilla girl… What was her name?"

Quinn suddenly feels a flash of heat reach her face as she turns away to busy herself with stacking pamphlets. "Oh. Um… Jenny."

"Are you over her?"

"What?"

The dark eyed girl stays calm as she reasons with her. "Well, if you still think about her every time you smell vanilla, maybe you aren't."

"It's not like that. You know, sometimes you think of a person when you hear a certain song or something like that. It doesn't mean you aren't over them emotionally."

"So, you are then?"

The blonde turns around to face the other girl, sighing a bit softly. "I'm not sure exactly… I'd like to be."

Anna raises her eyebrow curiously and walks over to her. She pulls the blonde close to her and plants a soft kiss on her lips. The kiss is sweet and tender; it's a kiss that doesn't ask for anything in return. Quinn smiles, enjoying the simplicity of their first kiss and leaning into it as she tastes the dark eyed girl's cherry lips.

After she pulls away, Anna holds onto her and looks in her eyes. "So, are you?"

Quinn's phone goes off and she answers it quickly. "Hello? Yeah, sounds good… We'll head over now… Bye." She hangs up and turns her attention back to Anna. "They're ready for us to make our way over there so we can set up."

The dirty blonde hair girl nods. "Sounds good…" She grabs one of the boxes and then adds with a teasing smile, "We'll talk more about this later."

The green-eyed girl nods somewhat nervously but grabs the other box. "Please, I don't torture you about your exes."

"Yes, but I wasn't in love with any of mine." Anna pops the trunk of her car and the girls load the boxes into it before climbing inside the car and driving off toward the boutique.

When they reach their destination, they notice a bunch of girls walking in and out of the place, carrying loads of boxes and decorations.

"Looks like we have a lot of help." Anna says with a bit of surprise.

"Yeah… I wonder where they found all of these helpers."

The dark eyed girl gives a small shrug. "Well, you won't hear me complaining."

A knock against Anna's window draws their attention and they notice Santana standing there. The girl rolls her window down to greet her.

"Hey, Santana. Nice to see you again."

"Yeah, hey. So, if you wanna pop your trunk, Britt and I can get your stuff out for you."

"Oh, we can do it. You two have already done more than enough."

Another voice interrupts. "We insist." Brittany's smiling face appears behind Santana.

Anna smiles. "Okay then, well I'll grab one and you can get the other one. Quinn you can go inside with Santana and show her where we want everything."

The girl is already halfway outside her car door when the blonde speaks up to protest. "I can get the box!"

The dark eyed girl closes the door and grins at her curiously. "You okay, there?"

"Yeah… Just nervous." The blonde replies, feeling a hint of color in her cheeks.

"Everything will be great, babe. I'll see you in there." She walks away, leaving Quinn still glued to her seat.

Santana pops her head back in the window to glare at her. "Jeez, Q. Is it really that terrible to be stuck with me?"

"It's not that." The blonde replies weakly. She sighs and gets out of the car. "Well, let's do this."

The two of them head inside the boutique as one of the redheaded girls gives a small wave to Santana as they pass.

"Okay, so we just need to know where you want the main table set up and all of that stuff." The darker haired girl explains.

"We were thinking of having the information table in the back so that people will be able to talk to us before they get a bunch of pamphlets thrown at them."

The Latina nods. She stops one of the girls and relays the message. Before she walks away, the girl whispers something back into Santana's ear causing her to grin.

Quinn rolls her eyes, realization finally dawning on her. "So, how many of these girls have you slept with?"

"Hey, we needed the help…" When she looks over at Quinn again, she adds, "It's not like they meant anything."

"Is that supposed to make it better?"

"I don't know… It feels nice to get attention every once and awhile."

"Do you think you'd ever be okay with just getting attention from one person?"

"Are you volunteering?" Santana asks teasingly.

The blonde shakes her head. "You're such a flirt."

"You like it."

The two of them make their way to the back where the table has now been set up. Anna and Brittany come up from behind them and set the boxes down.

"Okay, you two can take care of this back here and Brittany and I will put the decorations up front." The dark eyed girl says decisively.

Quinn gives a nod, resigned to her fate. "Okay, I'll see you later."

Anna smiles at her and gives her arm a soft squeeze leaving her and Santana to shift awkwardly through the pamphlets in silence.

The darker haired girl finally looks over to her. "So, this must be exciting for you."

The blonde sighs. "Yep."

"You know, it doesn't have to be like this, Quinn. You could talk to me like a normal person."

"I don't even know what normal people do in these kind of situations."

"What kind of situations?"

"I don't even know how to explain it."

Santana looks at her with annoyance. "Well, the least you could do is thank me."

The blonde pauses and stops messing with the pamphlets for a moment. "You're right." She reaches her hand out to Santana, getting the girl to look her in the eye. "Thank you… It really means a lot. Sorry, if I've been hard on you lately."

"Yeah. Could you cut me a break, Q? I'm trying."

Quinn nods, suddenly feeling very foolish and upset with herself. "Of course… You're such a good friend, San… You mean a lot to me."

The Latina looks at her but the girl doesn't make eye contact. "Same here."

Another long moment of silence comes between them as they busy themselves with the work in front of them.

Santana breaks it again, her voice timid. "Quinn… I never got a chance to ask you about the scars…" She looks at her, not sure whether or not she should change the subject.

The other girl continues to sort and stack papers while she responds. "I went through a lot in high school. I was constantly questioning myself. I kept trying to be something I wasn't because I was afraid of what people would think of me if I chose to be myself. I felt like my parents were going to hate me, which made me hate myself so I just kept pretending I was okay when I wasn't. All the pretending made me numb and I guess I just wanted to feel something… Feel like I had some control… But I got over it. I'm better now."

"What made you stop?"

She finally stops with the pamphlets and looks at Santana. "Someone who loved me made me realize it wasn't worth it. And eventually I began to like myself despite what other people said."

"A girl?"

"A guy."

"Oh… Well, I'm glad you're better."

"Me too…" She breaks her gaze, fidgeting nervously. Her head fills with clouded thoughts as she tries to think of a reason to excuse herself from the conversation. "I should find something to write with… Pens... People will probably need pens."

She motions toward the room to the left of them. "There are some in the back room… I'll get them."

"No, I'll get them." Quinn says hurriedly as she walks away.

Santana sighs in exasperation as she runs after her. "Quinn, you don't know where—"

When she enters the room, the girl is standing there looking lost and confused. Tears play at the corners of her eyes.

"Is everything okay?"

"I don't know, San… I don't know what I'm doing."

"Q, there's something I need to tell you…"

The blonde has already made her way over to her before she can say anything else. "I'm going to kiss you. Just once. I need to know something."

Santana looks at her with an unspoken question in her eyes but nods anyway.

Quinn plants a hand on the side of her neck, tracing lightly along Santana's throat with her thumb. She moves in for the kiss finally meeting the other girl's lips. The slight contact is devastating. She remembers their first kiss. The smell of smoky air mixed in with the faint scent of mortar as the other girl pressed her body against hers. Fall. Santana's vanilla and the scent of burning wood mixed together. The memory shocks Quinn's system as she flicks her tongue across the darker haired girl's lower lip, letting her inside. She feels Santana's hand move toward the small of her back, bringing her closer. And it's all there just the same. The taste of longing, of things left unsaid. Things that make her remember their second kiss and the events that followed. A slight panic begins to rise in the blonde girl's kiss as she deepens it before she thinks better of it, finally forcing herself to pull away. A frustrated moan coming from somewhere deep inside her as she gently bites and tugs on Santana's lower lip before completely removing herself from her touch.

The blonde turns to walk away but not before the other girl grabs her by the arm.

"Are you happy Quinn?"

The girl doesn't answer but instead slowly turns around to face her.

"Does Anna make you happy?"

The blonde pauses, seeming to think about the question before responding. "…Yes."

"Do you love her?"

Her expression is unreadable as she sighs softly to herself. "I don't know… but I think I could."

Santana nods, swallowing the hurt. Once again, the blonde turns to leave but she doesn't let her off the hook so easily.

"Quinn… I'll let you have this one… But don't kiss me again unless you mean it."

Her voice comes out in almost a whisper. "Who says I didn't?" Remembering herself, she walks out of the back room to rejoin the others.

The Latina stands there for a while replaying the kiss in her head, trying to make sense of what just happened and the words the blonde girl had said before she left. Instead of sadness, she feels anger. Anger at herself. Anger for letting herself want the blonde girl as much as she does; anger for letting her leave. She punches the box closest to her, watching the contents spill. After making itself known, the anger gives way to sadness. Sadness for both of them. Sadness for not ever being able to find the right words. Sadness that a kiss could mean everything and nothing at the same time.

She steels herself before leaving the back room. As she re-enters the main area of the boutique, she notices that people have already begun arriving as they talk amongst each other. She notices Brittany off to the side, helping with the refreshments and makes her way over there.

"Anything over here with alcohol?"

Her friend gives her a teasing glare. "Just get over and help me."

Anna spots them together and makes her way over. "Hey, guys. I didn't have time to properly thank you, Santana, so I just wanted to let you know I really am grateful for everything you've done."

"Sure, no problem." The Latina says in her best monotone. "I did it for Quinn."

The other girl nods in understanding. "You're a really good friend to her."

Santana sets her jaw, keeping herself calm. The redheaded girl surprises her as she comes up from behind and throws her arms around her shoulders. "You smell great tonight, babe."

"Thanks." She untangles herself from her grasp. "We kind of need to keep it professional right now, okay?"

The girl nods and gives her a wink. "Sure thing… What kind of shampoo is that anyway?" She traces a finger along her inner forearm. "And are you gonna let me use some of it tomorrow morning?"

The darker haired girl feels a slight heat working its way up her body as the girl's fingers travel to other areas. "It's… Um… Some Victoria's Secret stuff… I don't remember the exact name of it... It's vanilla something…"

"Vanilla?" Anna asks more to herself than anything.

"Yeah..." Santana answers, her focus elsewhere.

A curious look crosses Anna's face but before she has any more time to think about it, she's interrupted by the voice of a middle-aged woman.

"Anna, darling."

She turns her attention to the woman, noticing the way she's dragging Quinn alongside her.

"Hey, Julia… I see you've met Quinn." She says with a smile.

"Oh, yes. Isn't she just the best? She told me you two are seeing each other?" The woman asks with feigned innocence.

Santana has finally managed to stop the advances of the redhead as she listens in on the conversation.

The dark eyed girl gives a small smile. "Only occasionally. We're not exclusive or anything."

Quinn gives the woman's hand a small squeeze as she smiles. "See, I told you, Julia. Nothing official yet."

"Such a shame." She shakes her head somewhat sadly. "Well, don't you let her go too easily, Quinn. It's always hard for a girl like Anna to find someone."

"What do you—"

"Maybe we should go check out the pamphlets in the back." Anna interrupts as she tries to usher the woman along with her.

She stops when she notices the death glare that Quinn is giving her. "Julia, what did you mean by 'a girl like Anna?'"

The older woman looks between the pair of them, somewhat confused before she answers, "A girl with money."

"What money?"

"Darling… Anna's a Porter… Her family—"

"Fuck." Santana mutters under her breath.

"Oh, I think I've got it." Quinn glares at Anna who can't seem to meet her gaze now. "I've only been in New York for a couple months and I know who the Porters are… Sorry, Julia… I've got somewhere I need to be."

The blonde turns around and makes her way out of the boutique as the dark eyed girl chases after her. "Quinn! I was going to tell you!"

She manages to catch up with her as they reach the sidewalk. "Anna, I don't really feel like doing this right now. I don't even care about any of this stuff. I don't really care who your family is… I just, I thought I knew who you were. I thought things between us could be simple… I thought you were like me."

"Look, you do know who I am. You probably know me better than my family does even though we've only just met. There's a reason I don't go around sharing the information that I'm a Porter… Things between us can still be simple…"

The green-eyed girl sighs. "Don't you think that sounds a bit naïve?"

"Quinn, do you like spending time with me?"

"Yes."

"Then let's not overthink it… We can take things slow…" She grabs the girl's hand. "And anyway, it'd be rude of us to leave our own fundraiser."

"I don't think anyone would miss us except Julia."

The other girl lets out a small laugh. "It's for a good cause, remember? Something you believe in." She offers her an arm. "For Julia?"

The blonde gives her a peck on the cheek before grabbing onto her. "For Julia."


	14. Chapter 14

"Are you ready for this?" Anna looks at the green-eyed girl standing beside her.

"Sure."

The dark eyed girl plants a chaste kiss on Quinn's lips before they enter the club together. The pair of them make their way over to the bar where they see Santana working.

The blonde greets her. "Hey, San."

The Latina continues mixing drinks but gives them a slight head nod. "Hey, guys. Be with you in a sec."

Quinn turns back around to face Anna. "I'm kind of nervous about this whole thing."

The other girl squeezes her hand assuredly. "It'll be okay. Which part are you nervous about?"

"You're kidding, right? I'm just not sure if I'm ready for it."

"So, what's going on?" Santana has made her way over to them and is eyeing them suspiciously.

"Hey, Santana." Anna greets her before continuing. "We just came here to invite you to a cocktail party/benefit that my parents are throwing for our literacy program."

"People still throw those? What is this, Downton Abbey?"

Quinn decides to speak up now, "The whole thing of it is that after that fundraiser, word got around we've been seeing each other and so Anna's parents want to meet me."

"So, the best way to do that would be to throw money at you?" Santana asks bitterly.

"They don't really live on the same planet as the rest of us." Anna adds. "It's not that big of a deal, they're just being paranoid. I agreed to it because donations from _their_ friends would do wonders for the program."

"Shouldn't it matter how Quinn feels?" The brunette says defensively.

"Santana, I agreed to it, too." The blonde adds, trying to placate her.

The Latina sighs. "Anna, can you give us a moment?"

Anna looks over at Quinn and when she nods, she excuses herself. "Of course. I'll be back in a few."

As soon as the girl is out of hearing distance, Santana explodes. "Quinn, are you fucking crazy? Why would you want to get involved with these people?"

"Okay, can we take this down a notch, Santana? You don't even know them, they might be really nice."

"I seriously think you have brain damage sometimes. Her mother is a fucking defense attorney! Her father is some kind of big shot business mogul! People like _that_ aren't nice, Quinn. Those kind of people are the kind of people you shouldn't get involved with. Even I know that."

"Thanks for that. You sound like the National Enquirer… Also, it's not like we're announcing our engagement, they just want to know that I'm not some gold digger."

"I'm sure that's not all they want to know, Q. They probably already know everything about you. God knows it's easy for them to find out when they have that kind of power. What you should really be asking yourself is what are they really after?"

The blonde shrugs. "I don't have anything for them to be after. I can't say that I'm completely comfortable with everything but it'd be good for the program so I think in this case, my personal feelings have to be put aside... It's just one night."

"Screw that. If Anna really cared about you, she wouldn't ask you to do this."

"She didn't ask, I offered."

The Latina sets her jaw and looks at her as if trying to solve some kind of riddle. The dark eyed girl rejoins them and notices the obvious tension between them.

"Is everything alright?"

Quinn nods as she grabs Anna's hand. "Yeah, it's fine."

When Santana doesn't answer, Anna turns her attention to her. "So, were you interested in coming? Brittany's invited too of course."

The girl breaks her concentration and answers somewhat dejectedly. "Sure, we'll be there… Can't say how long we'll stay."

"Thanks, Santana. That means a lot. I know my family can be kind of intimidating and I'm not really on the best of terms with them myself, but if this is what it takes to bury the hatchet, then I'm willing to do it. And I know they'll like Quinn so we have nothing to worry about."

"If you say so." The Latina still doesn't seem too convinced but having grown tired of the conversation, she changes the subject. "Are you guys going to hang around here tonight?"

The dark eyed girl turns to Quinn. "What do you think, babe? Wanna hang out here for a little while?"

"Sure. I could use a few drinks."

"Vodka cranberry?" Santana asks.

The blonde nods and gives her a small smile. "Yeah…"

"I'll have a gin and tonic." Anna adds.

"Coming right up."

She works on making the drinks when she notices a slinky blonde making her way over to the bar, doing her best to get her attention.

"Hey, barkeep." She says with a devilish grin.

The Latina gives her a once over and hands Quinn and Anna their drinks. "What can I do for you?"

"What can I do for _you_?" She says teasingly.

Santana laughs lightly to herself.

_This would happen._

"How about I make you a drink?"

"Sure. Surprise me… When do you get off?"

"I'll be off in a few minutes actually."

Anna and Quinn watch the interaction between the two as Santana mixes the girl a drink. The dark eyed girl turns to meet Quinn's green.

"Wanna dance with me?"

"Of course…" She runs her fingers along Anna's forearm before turning her attention to Santana and the other girl. "You guys should join us."

"Sounds good," The Latina replies. The slinky blonde nods half-heartedly as Anna pulls Quinn alongside her toward the dance floor.

"They can meet up with us later."

"Yeah…"

As the two of them dance to the loud pop music, the green-eyed girl finds herself sneaking peeks over at the bar every once in a while to see what's going on with Santana. The other girl has somehow already managed to work an arm around the Latina as she whispers something in her ear. She sees the brunette smile and return the favor. She takes her hand and waves goodbye to a few people as they leave the club together. Panic rises in Quinn's stomach.

"Anna, I'll be right back, okay?"

She quickly excuses herself and takes off after the couple. As she exits the club, she sees them walking along the sidewalk and calls out to the brunette.

"Santana!"

The Latina spins around and sees Quinn. She turns her attention to the other girl. "Hey, can you give us a second?" She waits for her to walk out of hearing range before continuing. "What do you want?"

"I don't think you should do this."

"Why not? I'm tired of sleeping alone."

"Really? The way you push people away, you could've fooled me."

"Get over yourself, Q. You don't have a say in the girls I choose to be with. You're with Anna now and that's _your_ choice."

"I didn't realize I had other options." The way she says it makes it sound like a question.

"You always have options. Look at you. You're…" Santana looks at her for a moment before finishing her sentence. "You."

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

Her blasé attitude immediately irritates her. "No, actually I don't know anymore. You're so hot and cold now. You act like you love me one minute and the next you turn into some kind of crazy person…" The Latina can feel her anger rising. "And what the fuck was that kiss about the other night? You said you needed to know something and then you walked away. Am I on a need to know basis here or what?"

"Anna asked me something and I thought it would give me an answer but it just made me even more confused. It's complicated."

She shakes her head. "You know what? I can't do this."

"Santana."

"No. I love you, Quinn. Ok? I don't know what that means exactly and I don't know if I can offer you anything like Anna can but I just do. And you can't go around kissing me like that and then tell me it didn't mean anything cause it meant something to me."

The blonde looks at her, flabbergasted. "Are you kidding me? How do you expect me to react to this information? I love you but hey, I don't know if it means anything? _While_ you're walking out the door with some random chick you just met? You are seriously psychotic sometimes."

"I'm not the best at expressing myself. I'm sorry. I can't help it. I wish I could tell you everything I know I feel for you but you make me so crazy all the time, I just say things and they don't come out the right way."

"So what? I should break up with Anna and what? Be with you? Date you? Fuck you?"

Knowing the words are meant to hurt, she bites her lip to keep herself from lashing out. "You're so cruel sometimes."

Seeing the effect her words have on the girl, the blonde instantly regrets them but the pent up hurt and anger push her blindly onward. "No, I'm not, Santana. You can't ask me to give up something when you're not offering me anything. I offered you everything when you were walking out on me and you still left, so maybe you should think about how ridiculous you sound right now."

She shakes her head sadly as she sees the tears forming in the other girl's eyes. "This is what it's always going to come down to, isn't it? I know I fucked up, Quinn. That night you left me, I knew…"

Anna appears beside them, stumbling out of the club.

"Hey, there you are…" Her tone goes from carefree to concerned when she sees Quinn's face. "What's going on?"

The blonde shakes her head in an effort to dry her tears. "Nothing."

"I was just leaving."

"San—"

"I'll see you guys around."

She turns around and leaves them standing there on the sidewalk. Having forgotten about the slinky blonde, she almost starts when she appears beside her. She lets her walk with her for a few blocks before bidding her goodnight.

_[\\]_

The next day passes Santana by in a blur. She goes about her routine as she usually does, arriving at the coffee shop on time and helping the band set up but she doesn't feel as if she's really there. It's crowded but Santana doesn't _see_ anyone. She feels lost and hopeless, as if she's a speck of dust floating aimlessly in the air, no real purpose assigned to it.

The attention doesn't feel as welcoming as it usually does. All the eyes that look at her or try to meet hers seem to look right through her as if she isn't really there. As if she doesn't really exist. It feels like it's all a dream, one she hopes to wake up from. Even the music doesn't sweep her away like it usually does but she closes her eyes and goes along with it the best she can.

_"All along it was a fever,_

_A cold sweat hot-headed believer._

_I threw my hands in the air and said, 'Show me something,'_

_He said, 'If you dare come a little closer.'"_

Her mind wanders to Quinn. She wonders what she's doing. She wonders if she's thinking about her.

_"Round and around and around and around we go,_

_Oh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know."_

She remembers the first time she saw her on the subway. She remembers words and sounds and feelings. She remembers lips.

_"Not really sure how to feel about it._

_Something in the way you move,_

_Makes me feel like I can't live without you._

_It takes me all the way._

_I want you to stay."_

When the song ends, there's applause but it feels empty and ends up sounding like a bunch of background noise to her. She looks down to notice her phone blinking and sees she has a text message.

**I know things between us aren't the best right now but I still want you to come tmrw night.**

The Latina sighs softly to herself.

**Ok.**

Send.


	15. Chapter 15

Santana and Brittany stand outside in the cool night air inspecting the huge building that looms before them.

"Holy shit. What have we gotten ourselves into?"

"It looks like a museum. Like I'm pretty sure there are mummies up in this shit."

The Latina chuckles at her friend's joke. "Well, I'm sure we'll see some corpses at least."

"People actually live here?"

"I think the term 'live' is up for interpretation… Guess we better get this over with, eh?" She extends her hand to the blonde who quickly grabs it.

"You'll be okay. I'm here."

The girls make their way up the marble steps and are escorted inside by the doorman. Upon seeing the lavish interior of the house, they both freeze in their tracks for a beat.

"This isn't real life," Brittany says in disbelief.

Servers walk around serving food and drinks as throngs of elegant people pass them by whilst nonchalantly chattering amongst themselves. A grand staircase is on the far left side of the room, the walls aligned with paintings that look like they cost as much as the house. The rooms seem never-ending as there's one to both their left and right; one appears to be more of a lounge and the other more of a ballroom as there's a live orchestra playing while people either dance or stand to the side to listen.

"How are we supposed to find anyone in this place?" Santana mutters.

"Hello. And you are?"

The voice startles them as they spin around to see a rather striking middle-aged woman looking them over. Her skin is taut despite her age and she has the same shark eyes as Anna, though while Anna's are endearing, hers cut through them like knives. She wears a white and black woman's suit that shows off her toned body and heels that make her seem even taller than she already is.

For once in her life, Santana is at a loss for words. "We're—"

The lady looks down and sees them holding hands. "Friends of Anna's no doubt." She narrows her eyes making them feel uneasy. She studies them for a while before deciding they pose no real threat. "Well… I have no idea where she is at the moment. I'm sure she'll be along shortly. Have a drink." She raises her wineglass in suggestion and wanders off to greet someone who seems to be more worthy of her time, as her eyes seem to light up as she approaches them.

Santana turns her attention back to Brittany. "God, she's terrifying… I'm so glad I'm not Quinn."

"Where are they by the way? Do you think you should text them?"

The Latina pulls out her phone and as if on cue, Anna and Quinn suddenly materialize on the grand staircase. She watches as the green-eyed girl makes her way down the stairs wearing a pretty white dress that shows off her lean body. Though her red lipstick makes it hard to focus elsewhere. She seems to feel Santana's eyes on her as she meets them for a moment before she turns her attention to the people who greet her at the bottom steps.

"Guess I won't be needing this after all," Santana says as she puts the phone back in her clutch. "Maybe we should take Mrs. Porter up on that drink offer."

"Already got it covered." Britt says in a whisper. "See, that one over there?" She points to one of the servers in the corner of the room. "He looks like he has some good shit. I'll be right back."

As she excuses herself, Quinn finally manages to break through the crowd and make her way over to her. The brunette takes a breath, bracing herself for whatever's going to happen next.

"Hi," The blonde says huskily. Even though it's a simple greeting, she says it lightly because as soon as the words leave her mouth, she breaks out into one of her biggest grins.

Seeing her smile causes Santana to return the favor. "Hi."

"I'm really glad you could make it… I'm still a bit nervous." Her eyes seem to twinkle with excitement but her brow scrunches up a bit in worry.

"Don't be… I will be the first to admit that Mrs. Porter is slightly terrifying but I'm sure you'll be fine. After all, who could resist that smile?"

The compliment sends a slight hint of color to the girl's cheeks as she smiles even wider. "You always make me feel better about things."

The Latina allows a slight hint of concern to play across her features. "Do I? Q, about the other night—"

Quinn quickly reaches out to grab her forearm, her expression suddenly very sincere. "Don't even worry about it. Truly. I said some awful things… I think I needed to get some things off my chest and no matter how bad it felt to say them the other night, I feel better now to be able to let it go. You showing up tonight means the world to me… I wasn't sure you would come."

"Of course I came. I deserved some of the things you said… At the end of the day, I just want you to be happy."

"I know that now. I don't think I wanted to see it before."

"What changed your mind?"

"All of the little things just added up. I think I always knew, I just didn't want to let myself get hurt again."

The brunette is still processing everything as Brittany appears with two drinks in hand. "Hey Quinn!" She gives the girl a friendly hug before turning to Santana and asking playfully, "May I interest you in a drink?"

"Thanks, Britt," The Latina responds with a smile as she accepts the drink, her gaze never leaving the girl in the white dress for more than a second.

Anna makes her way over and gives Quinn a small hug as she wraps her arms around her waist. "Hey, everyone." She notices the wineglasses in the other girls' hands and grins. "How's the wine?"

"Pretty good actually," Britt responds cheerily. "I'm not even much of a wine drinker but this is so good."

"Should be. I think it's like a hundred dollars a bottle." The girl nearly chokes on her next sip, which causes Anna to chuckle lightly. "My mother is something else, huh?"

"You got that right." The woman interrupts, appearing behind them. "Anna, must we be so blasé with the PDA?" Santana and Brittany quickly excuse themselves as she approaches.

"Seriously, mom? I gave her a hug that lasted like half a second."

"Not everyone here has your best interests at heart."

"I noticed. You're here, aren't you?"

The woman ignores her daughter's comment as she focuses in on the blonde standing next to you. "Quinn Fabray, nice to meet you."

"Yeah, you too, Mrs. Porter." She politely accepts the handshake and prays she doesn't feel how clammy they've suddenly become.

"Call me Glenn. Mrs. Porter just sounds so formal." Her shark eyes smile a bit, inspecting Quinn closely.

"Okay, Glenn…" When neither Porter seems to have anything further to say to the other one, the blonde tries to strike up polite conversation. "Thank you so much for doing all this. Anna and I are really—"

"Oh, it's no problem. This is the only way we get to meet any of Anna's little girlfriends."

"Oh, I—"

"Mom, I don't know why you find it so surprising that none of them will come here willingly. Where's Dad?"

Quinn swallows uncomfortably, inching closer to Anna.

"He'll be here sooner or later, dear. God knows what woman is holding him up. Ah, the district attorney is here, we'll continue this discussion later."

And just like that she disappears into the crowd leaving Anna and Quinn standing there, mortified by the conversation that just transpired. The dark eyed girl pulls the blonde closer to her. "I'm really sorry… Maybe we should just go…"

"No," Quinn says with a sudden look of determination. "She can't bully us. I've been through worse than this."

The other girl smiles at her words and gives her a little kiss on the cheek, and although she can't see her in the crowd, she knows her mother sees it. "You're incredible, babe."

Despite the smile that crosses her lips, a sudden uneasy feeling overcomes her that has nothing to do with Glenn or their surroundings. She finds herself searching for a familiar pair of brown eyes in the crowd, and when she doesn't see them, her heart drops a little.

Anna whispers in her ear. "Hey, so do you wanna grab some wine and dance a little?"

The blonde nods and they make their way toward the ballroom.

Brittany and Santana manage to find a corner of the ballroom where the other outcasts are hanging out. None of them are wearing $1,000 suits or paying much attention to them at all, which is just fine by them.

"So, how do you think that went?" The blonde says, nodding slightly in the direction of where the Porters and Quinn were standing earlier.

"No idea. The bitch seemed pissy as usual so I'm sure she didn't win any popularity votes with Q."

They spot Anna and Quinn now, as they make there way to the side of the ballroom, stopping to grab some wine from the nearest server.

"She looks happy, doesn't she?" Santana wonders out loud.

"Yeah, she does… Almost like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders."

The Latina looks somewhat downcast. "I think I might've been the weight."

"What do you mean, San?"

"I don't know… I don't think I can do this anymore… I think I have to let her go…"

"Why, Santana?" The blonde looks at her confused, recognizing the pain in her eyes.

"Just seeing her today makes me realize I'll never be able to offer her any of this. I'll never have parents to bring her home to. Anna is a good person… I think she loves her."

"That isn't the point. The point is whether or not Quinn loves her back."

"She will."

"Don't do this. You're going to make yourself unhappy again."

"Yeah, but I'm used to it. When I look at her, I can't be angry or selfish. I had my chance and I blew it. I'm not good enough for her. She's been through a lot of shit in her life and she deserves someone better than me. You should've heard me the other night… I told her I loved her but I said all the wrong things… I didn't realize how badly I had hurt her."

"So, you're giving up… The way she looks at you—"

"Brittany, it's okay."

The orchestra starts playing a familiar tune. Santana recognizes it almost immediately.

"This is such—"

"Meet me at the car."

And with a look of determination, she crosses the room to where the blonde stands, swaying gently to the music. She doesn't see Anna nearby, which relaxes her only slightly.

"Dance with me?"

Quinn looks surprised to see her there and quirks an eyebrow at her.

"It's one of your favorites, right? La Vie En Rose? Edith Piaf?"

The girl breaks out into another one of her grins as she takes her hand and they make their way to the dance floor. As she pulls her close, she breathes into her ear, "You remembered."

"I think I remember everything about that night…" Then trying to lighten the mood, she adds. "I still don't get this song."

"You will one day." Quinn teases.

The brunette tries to keep herself together as she holds onto her, feeling the familiar heat that she loves so much. She wants the song to last so much longer than she knows it's going to. Knowing that their time together is dwindling makes Santana's heartbeat quicken exponentially.

Not being able to think properly, she says the first thing that comes to her head. "I can't believe they're playing it here."

The blonde laughs softly and Santana can feel the slight movement of her body. "It's a very versatile song. They play it at weddings, receptions, cocktail parties, fancy occasions, all that kinda stuff."

Santana's arms seem to take on a will of their own as they hold her a little bit tighter, a sadness seeping into her words. "See, I don't know what I'd do without someone like you… I wouldn't have anyone to tell me these kinds of things."

Quinn's arms seem to return the favor as if they start to realize what's happening. A hint of panic surfaces in her words. "I suppose you'll find someone who's just as good at it as I am."

As the song reaches its final moments, Santana suddenly feels a sudden swell of courage. "Suppose, I told you I didn't want to…"

"Santana," The way the word leaves the girl's lips makes her heart feel like it's breaking and being filled to the brim all at once.

"Suppose you didn't come here with Anna…" She can feel the girl tremble slightly beneath her grasp.

"Suppose I never walked out on you…" Her heart catches in her chest. The song plays its final note.

"Suppose I told you…" She sees Anna now, making her way toward them.

"Well, I suppose I'm just being silly."

The blonde girl stays frozen for a long moment as Santana feels a certain wetness of what can only be tears fall onto her bare shoulder, their touch burning a hole straight through her. She tries to keep herself together as the girl finally responds in a choked whisper.

"I suppose so."

The Latina quickly loosens her grasp on the girl, as she can't bear to face Anna. She looks into Quinn's green and the sadness that radiates from them makes her want to hold her but she steels herself.

"Goodbye, subway girl."

Santana walks away right as Anna approaches Quinn. "Bye, Santana…" But they're words that never reach the brunette's ears. She's gone.

She pushes past all the idiots in their formal attire, her head pounding. Her heart feels like dead weight in her chest. A hand grabs one of her arms and pulls her back to reality. She sees Mrs. Porter looking at her but she pulls her arm away, anger at the woman suddenly taking a hold of her.

"You don't deserve her," She says simply and continues her way through the rest of the house before she's finally outside in the night air. She finally lets herself breathe, almost a little too heavily as she coughs after inhaling.

White. She only sees white.

She doesn't remember the drive back to her apartment; she doesn't remember how long it takes her to get there. When she finally reaches the confines of her bedroom, she lets herself cry. After a long while, she sits up in her bed, having made a decision.

She pulls out her phone and dials the number.

It rings four times.

She's about to give up when she hears the voice on the other end of the line.

"Hello?"

Her breath catches in her throat. "Ma?"

The voice doesn't answer but she can hear her breathing so she continues. "I don't expect you to say anything but I needed someone to talk to, okay? You owe me that much at least…"

She feels like breaking down again but when the woman doesn't hang up, she allows herself to keep talking. "There's this girl… I love her, Mama. I thought letting her go was the right thing to do, that's what people always say, right? Only it just feels like giving up... I don't know what to do, I've never felt this way about someone."

The voice doesn't answer. The long pause makes Santana's anger rise. Suddenly the voice says, "You aren't supposed to call us."

Tears of rage fall down the Latina's cheeks. She wants to yell at her, tell her how much she hurt her but there aren't any words left so she just lets herself cry. Finally, the voice speaks up again. "Listen mija, do what you have to do to be happy… If that means being with that girl then that's what you do. You fight cause you're a fighter… Don't call here again."

She hangs up. Santana keeps the phone pressed to her ear for a long while after she's gone, listening to the silence. Letting herself cry.

_[\\]_

Back at the benefit, things begin winding down. People are leaving as the orchestra plays the final song. The blonde girl stands outside on the balcony, enjoying the cool air. She feels a hand press against the small of her back and sees Anna standing there.

"You survived."

A small smile crosses her lips. "Barely."

_But not for the reason you think._

"Anna, I think I made a mistake."

The other girl looks at her earnestly. "The dress? I really like this one."

"Not the dress."

"I know."

"What?" Quinn seems mortified.

"Vanilla girl… Santana, right?"

The blonde scrunches her features up, burying her face in her hands. "Wow, I'm really sorry…"

"It's okay. I thought you might come around but you looked so upset after she left that I knew…"

Quinn shakes her head a bit sadly. "The thing is, I kept trying to forget her. I thought it would go away eventually but when I see her, I can't help myself. I kept trying to look at someone and find that same feeling… You know, where you don't have to try… If that makes any sense… And with Santana, I don't have to try. I look at her and it's something that overtakes my whole body… Have you ever felt that way about someone?"

"Maybe once," The way she says it breaks Quinn's heart.

"I really am sorry."

Anna shakes her head, composing herself. "Love makes you do stupid things… I'll let you show yourself out."

"Anna…"

"I just need some time."

The girl walks away, leaving the blonde alone, staring at the dark sky. She closes her eyes and breathes the air in, letting it fill her lungs. The gesture fills her body with something that isn't just oxygen but a rather a breath of life filled with hope and wishes and vanilla. And when she finally releases it, she sees pink; she sees love. As she sighs softly to herself, a familiar melody begins to fill the night air.


	16. Chapter 16

"So, let me get this straight… You broke up with Anna and you still haven't talked to Santana about it?" The brunette eyes the other girl suspiciously as they sit across a table from each other, working on tutoring schedules.

"Amy, I can't. No matter what happens between us from this point on, it kinda feels like this is our last chance to get it right. Santana needs to be ready to be with me before anything else can happen with us. I'll wait."

"This feels like it's taking forever and I'm not even involved in the relationship."

"It'll be worth it though if things can finally work out."

Amy smiles at that. "Aw, Q. You're such a sap sometimes."

The blonde rolls her eyes. "Not exceedingly so. When you're little though you think there'll always be this one person that can make everything better-that you can tell everything to and as you grow older, you realize that this person doesn't exist. So, instead you try to find that one person that can see you for who you really are and love you in spite of everything. They're supposed to make you feel like all the shit you went through to find them is worth it. And here's the tricky part because sometimes people don't find this person, or sometimes you do and you realize that you two just aren't meant to be together. Occasionally though and this is the most rewarding thing you'll ever have or do in life; you'll find that person and it will feel like everything you've ever done has led you to them. They won't be able to erase the pain entirely but they'll make it that much more bearable, they'll make you feel like your scars are okay. And I'm not saying this is always true or even true fifty percent of the time. I'm saying that it _should _be true because everyone deserves it. Everyone deserves this kind of love. So, if you ever have the chance to take it, you fucking take it. It's yours."

"Like, I said. You're such a sap sometimes." She gives her a teasing grin and gently squeezes her arm. "You do deserve it though… When are you gonna see her again?"

"Well, she's working in the boutique Monday through Wednesday until she bartends that night… So, Wednesday?"

"That's two days away." The brunette frowns a bit.

"Well, I don't really have an excuse to visit her at the boutique."

"You know… I was thinking I could use a new pair of boots." She says with a sly grin on her face.

The blonde smiles back at her. "You're such a good friend."

"Oh, I know."

_[\\]_

During their lunch break, the girls make their way down to the boutique. The little door chime goes off as they enter. They hear Santana and Brittany bickering about which pop star is the hottest as they walk in but they quiet down immediately when they recognize Quinn.

"Hey!" Brittany says in a warm voice.

"Hey," Quinn says as she gives her a small smile and Amy waves to them from behind her. "This is my friend Amy."

"Hi, you guys, Quinn has told me a lot about you… I'm actually looking for a new pair of boots—"

"Oh, I can help you with that!" The blonde behind the counter quickly adds. Santana glares at her but she pretends not to notice, which makes Quinn snicker.

As Amy and Brittany make their way to one of the shelves farther toward the back, Quinn and Santana are left standing in the front of the store, staring at each other in awkward silence.

"So…" The Latina starts.

"How've you been?" The blonde asks, trying to get the conversation rolling.

"Fine… Can't complain I guess… You?"

"About the same… Anna and I—"

"We don't really need to talk about that. Her mom was a total bitch though. Good luck with that."

Quinn laughs lightly. "Yeah, she wasn't the most pleasant person I've ever met."

"That'd be me, right?" The brunette teases, not able to help herself.

The blonde rolls her eyes. "You must be joking. You're a pain in my ass."

The remark makes Santana grin. "Good. You shouldn't always be let off the hook so easily."

"You must have me confused with someone else. I don't think I ever get off the hook easily."

"Please, Anna is a total sucker when it comes to you. I have no idea how she puts up with your craziness."

Quinn pauses and looks away. "Actually… we kind of broke up."

A confused look plays across the Latina's features before she becomes hardened. "What happened? Did she hurt you?"

"No, nothing like that. Actually, I hurt her."

The brunette nods slowly, trying to make sense of everything. "Oh… So, what happened?"

"It just didn't feel right I guess… I don't think she likes penguins as much as I thought she did."

For once Santana doesn't bite, her expression still serious. "Quinn."

The other girl shrugs. "I guess her parents kind of scared me off."

She thinks about it before giving a nod as if the answer is satisfactory. "I can understand that… I warned you—"

"Yeah, yeah. I knew you would gloat. You're so insufferable sometimes."

"I'm also worth it sometimes."

"Which times would those be?"

"You tell me… You're the one who keeps me around."

The blonde quirks an eyebrow at her as the two of them exchange playful smiles. At this time, Brittany and Amy rejoin them carrying a pair of boots.

Quinn gives them a once over before remarking, "Those are cute. I'm glad you found what you were looking for."

"That'll be $68.95." Brittany tells the brunette from behind the counter.

"For $68.95 you better have, too." Amy mutters under her breath.

The blonde elbows her in the side and the brunette mouths her protestation while Brittany and Santana work on packaging her boots for her. As if in retaliation, she raises an eyebrow at Quinn before speaking up. The other girl shakes her head at her with wide eyes but Amy pretends not to notice.

"Quinn and I have our first official day of tutoring tomorrow so we were thinking about going out afterward if you guys wanted to join us."

The green-eyed girl is about to elbow her again but Santana's eyes are on them now. "Sure. What are we doing?"

The girls exchanged panicked glances, trying to think of a story.

"We're—"

A nervous Amy interrupts. "Going to get ice cream… with some of the kids… after their tutoring session."

"…Not _with_ the kids, I don't think their parents would agree to that." The blonde says giving Amy a 'wtf' look. "But, uh, we're just going to…"

"Oh… That sounds fun. What do you think, Britt?"

"Since we can't both leave the boutique at the same time, you can go, San. I'll cover for you."

"Are you sure?"

Her friend nods. "Yeah, no prob."

"Okay. I'm in then."

"Cool. I'll text you about it tomorrow."

The two of them leave the store with Amy's boots in hand. As soon as they're out of sight of the store window the blonde playfully attacks her friend.

"Oh my god! You never told me that you're the worst liar in the whole world!"

"I panicked!"

"Obviously. Thank god no one else was in there, they would've thought that we were pedophiles. There you go, ruining our reputations in one fell swoop."

They both giggle as they continue walking down the sidewalk.

Quinn pauses somewhat perplexed. "Now we have to find an ice cream place. Who eats ice cream anymore? I don't think I've eaten ice cream in forever."

"Liar!" Amy shouts causing a few people to look their way.

"No, really. I'm serious. Whenever I crave ice cream, I get frozen yogurt instead." They continue their walk toward the subway.

The other girl nods. "Oh, yeah. Frozen yogurt is really good, and healthier… I wonder if we could change the plans."

Quinn glares at her. "We're not changing the plans after we already made fools of ourselves. You'll just have to run the calories off later."

"Or sex them off."

"Over share."

"Not even close! And I would just like to let you know that you are allowed to over share about your sex life any day of the week."

"You're so bad."

"Just curious."

"Not _that_ curious."

"For you and Santana, I might make an exception."

"I'm deleting you from my phone contacts as we speak."

_[\\]_

The afternoon is sunny and warm as Santana makes her way to the school's location that Quinn texted her earlier in the day. She smiles to herself, enjoying the weather. She sees a small playground in the back of the school and she waits by the fence for the girls to emerge from the building.

After texting Quinn to let her know of her arrival, she decides to browse the web and check her Twitter. The sound of the school bell causes her to jump a bit; she had almost forgotten how loud they were. Slow streams of children exit the front doors of the school as they talk loudly amongst themselves. She realizes it must be an after school program or else they'd all come running out at once.

It's not hard for her to pick out Amy and Quinn in the crowd as they stand at least a foot taller than the rest of kids. She smiles and waves them over. As they make their way toward her, one of the littler girls calls out to Quinn and she stops in her tracks to address her. She kneels down as the girl seems upset about something and she can tell by the way the blonde puts a hand on her shoulder and strokes her pigtail that she's trying to calm her down. After talking to her for a minute, the girl nods and runs off back inside.

"Hey," Santana says as they approach her.

"Hey, yourself." The blonde says with a smile.

"Hi, again. Look, I'm wearing the boots." Amy points to her feet.

Santana chuckles. "Well, they look good on you. Guess it was worth the trip… So, where is this place?"

"Not too far from here so we can walk. Just a couple of blocks over." Quinn informs her.

"Works for me."

Amy's phone starts buzzing all of a sudden. "Oh… I have to get this… It'll just be a second." She stops and takes the call. She nods every so often sometimes adding an "Mmm," or "Okay" every few seconds. The brunette shakes her head as she hangs up. "Well that was my… brother… I have to go home… to feed the fish."

The blonde buries her face in her hand looking mortified.

"Oh, ok?" Santana says not sure how to respond. She looks over at Quinn to see what's going on but she can't see her face.

"Yeah… So… I'll catch up with you guys later!" The blue-eyed girl waves at them in an exaggerated manner but before the Latina can wave back, the blonde grabs her arm and they start walking down the sidewalk.

"What was that about?" Santana asks curiously.

"I think she might have an alcohol problem, there's a possibility it could also be drugs."

The brunette chuckles, "You two are too much sometimes."

"Tell me about it."

"So, how was your first day?"

"Hm? Oh… It was pretty good. A little bit hectic since things weren't too organized but it'll get better as the days go on."

"I saw you with that little girl… I didn't know you were so good with kids."

This seems to amuse the blonde as she raises an eyebrow. "Does that surprise you?"

"I don't know. I mean, I never thought about it… But I think that it's cute… I wouldn't be able to do it."

"What? I think you would be good with kids."

"Not really. I don't like most of them. If it's a cool kid then okay but I will not tolerate little brats."

They reach the ice cream shop and go inside together.

"Wow… I forgot half these flavors even existed," Quinn says with a laugh. "What kind are you going to get?"

"Cookies n' cream I guess. You can't really mess that up, right? What about you?"

"Hmm… I think I'm in the mood for sherbet."

After they get their treats, they make their way outside again to sit down at one of the petite table and chair sets.

"Wow, I feel like we're twelve," The blonde says amusedly as she licks her spoon.

"You're such a deb. Who goes to an ice cream shop and doesn't get a cone?"

Quinn scrunches her face up. "I don't like cones with sherbet. Sometimes I just prefer eating it out of a cup."

"Sounds like something a deb would say."

"Okay, now I really feel like we're twelve. And what the heck is a deb?"

"You know, a Debbie Downer."

"Ohhhhh. Makes sense… How is work today?"

"We go from being twelve to eighty in 2.5 seconds… And it's fine, it's just work."

"Eighty year olds don't have jobs… Maybe it won't be so bad to be an old person after all."

Quinn cracks up when she sees the look on Santana's face. "Never."

"Speaking of which, I'm obsessed with this old couple that lives in my new apartment building. They're the cutest. They invite me over every once in a while to eat with them or play cards, or watch Wheel of Fortune."

"That sounds… depressing."

"It's not!" The blonde says as she laughs and slaps the other girl on the arm. "I'm going to take you to meet them when you come visit me. I think you'd like them."

"Why's that?"

"They're so nice, and it's kind of amazing to see that two people can be in love after being together for so many years. Makes me hope that I'll be that lucky."

The Latina smirks at her. "We're not really the growing old type, Quinn."

"Maybe we could be."

"Not me."

"I think I could convince you to stick around if I made it worth your while."

"Sex is not always the answer, Q."

The other girl gawks at her as the Latina cracks up. "Do you ever behave?"

When she manages to regain control of herself, she realizes she's beginning to get nervous. "Not really…" She fidgets with her hands for a bit before getting the courage to look Quinn in the eyes again. "Hey, so, do you wanna hang out sometime?"

The girl's eyes seem to light up as she nods. "Sure, sounds fun…" She giggles to herself.

"What?"

"I don't know. I just imagined you'd be so much smoother when it comes to asking girls out."

Santana glares at her.

"Aw, don't be that way," Quinn says as she scoots her chair closer to her, giving her a peck on the cheek.

Feeling the closeness of her body, the Latina regains her confidence almost immediately. She pulls her chair closer and fixates on her lips, moving in closer to kiss them and watching as they smile at her before they pull away.

"Ms. Lopez, I think I deserve a proper date first."

Santana groans. "Just don't make me wait too long. I have needs you know."

"God, Santana. Be good." The girl reaches over to spank her lightly on the side of her thigh causing the Latina to raise an eyebrow at her suggestively.

"Not really my thing." Even though the girl's lips are out of her reach, the blonde's neck is easily accessible. She moves her lips closer to it, enjoying watching the girl squirm a bit as she whispers in her ear, "Do it again." She kisses her at her pulse point and smirks when she hears the soft moan the girl elicits. Sighing contentedly, the brunette leans back in her chair.

"Not fair."

Santana shrugs nonchalantly and places her hands behind her head. "You wanted smooth." She chuckles as the other girl shakes her head, making her feel like a teenager all over again.

Quinn's phone buzzes and so she goes to check it. It's a text from Betty.

**Call me ASAP. Have more info about Korea.**


	17. Chapter 17

"Quinn, this isn't exactly what I had in mind when I asked you to hang out with me," Santana pouts as she sits on the couch and watches the blonde girl shuffling papers around on the dining room table.

"I know, babe. I'm sorry… I'll be done in a few. I just have to make out the rest of these tutoring schedules."

"God, you're such an adult."

"It's not always a bad thing."

"It is 80% of the time."

"Hush. Go back to watching your TV show."

"It's pissing me off though. These characters keep making the worst decisions. Especially the lesbian, it's practically a horror movie. I don't think TV shows know what to do with us honestly."

Quinn laughs lightly. "Oh my god… Stop distracting me."

"Okay, okay."

The brunette sits up on the couch again, reverting her attention back to the TV set. She checks her phone and sees that it's already 7:00. Sighing softly, she sprawls across the couch and decides to text Brittany.

**My gf hates me.**

**So soon? Usually u last at least a week.**

**I know. My charm must be fading fast. Better wife up soon.**

**LOL!**

**What's so funny?**

**The thought of you being wife'd up.**

**It could happen.**

**That's wat they said abt the apocalypse. **

Santana sighs in frustration before checking the time again. 7:05.

_Patience is overrated._

"I'm going to just pick up some takeout, okay, Q? Text me if you finish while I'm gone."

"Sounds good," The blonde calls after the Latina as she leaves the apartment.

She makes her way down the hallway to the elevator. As she pushes the down button she notices that it's on the very top floor, which makes her even more frustrated.

"Are you okay, Miss?"

She looks over to see an elderly man making his way toward the elevator. He's slightly hunched over but his eyes sparkle as if he's smiling all the time.

"I'm fine. The elevator is just at the top of the building and I'm not a very patient person."

He chuckles. "When you get to be my age, you learn to be patient. Your generation is always going a million miles a minute."

"I blame technology."

"As do I."

They stand there waiting for a few more moments as the elevator seemingly stops at every floor possible as it makes its way down.

"So who are you visiting?"

"Quinn, the blonde girl. She lives right down the hall."

"Oh, Quinn is a lovely girl. She visits us sometimes."

Santana nods, realizing this must be one half of the couple she was telling her about the other day. "Oh, yeah, she's told me about you."

"What did she say?"

"Not much. Just that you guys invite her over for dinner sometimes or to play cards."

"Yes, she's good at cards—"

An elderly woman pokes her head out from the apartment door down the hall opposite Quinn's apartment.

"Harry, don't forget the green beans!"

"Huh?" He cups his hand to one of his ears.

"Green beans!" She shouts and then she closes the door.

"You too, huh?" Santana asks the older man empathetically. "I'm getting food for Quinn and I as well."

"The thing is, I don't even like green beans. I only get them to make her happy."

The elevator finally arrives and they both get on. The brunette presses the lobby button and they begin their descent.

"How long have you two been married?"

"55 years, it will be 56 years next month."

"Sounds like a lot of green bean runs."

"You have no idea… Are you and Quinn together?"

"What makes you say that?"

"Well Merna says that Quinn is a lesbian. There's this one fellow on our floor that every woman goes crazy over except for her. Apparently that qualifies her as a lesbian."

Santana can't help but laugh. "We're not really together right now but we might be soon? We still have some things to figure out... It doesn't bother you that she likes girls?"

The older man shrugs. "When you get to be my age, you've seen it all. A nice girl is a nice girl."

The Latina smiles at him as they hear the ding of the elevator, signaling their arrival on the ground floor. She waits for him to exit first before she gets out and they both head out of the apartment building. Before they part ways, the elderly man calls out to her.

"Can I give you some advice?"

"Sure."

"I hope it works out with your girl. But remember: don't forget the green beans."

Santana looks at him somewhat confused but smiles anyway. "Okay, I won't… Nice to meet you, Harry."

And with that, they head in opposite directions. Harry to the grocery store; Santana to a local Thai restaurant. After she picks up the food, she decides to text Quinn to see if she's finished with her work.

**Hey, how's it going? Are you done?**

**Yep. Just finished. I'm starving!**

**On my way. Meet me on the roof. Bring a blanket.**

_[\\]_

As the Latina makes her way to the roof of Quinn's apartment she feels her heartbeat quicken exponentially. It's not like she hadn't gone on first dates before but then again none of her dates had been Quinn. There was something about the way that the girl looked at her that made her nervous. She wasn't used to people looking at her and actually _seeing_ her. There were always walls; there was always a façade. Santana often thought that she was grateful that people couldn't get into her thoughts easily. It kept her protected. But with Quinn, it was different. And that still scared her.

Her nerves manage to get the best of her as she reaches the door at the top of the staircase. For a second she considers turning around but a part of her knows that there is no going back now. Not unless she's prepared to fully lose her. So, in spite of herself, she walks out onto the roof. She's met by the sight of the girl sitting on the blanket waiting for her.

"Hey, in the mood for some Pad Thai?"

The blonde turns her head to face her. "More than you could ever know."

Santana makes her way over to the blanket and divides the boxes between them, digging around for the plastic silverware. She finally finds it and let's out a little victory yell that causes Quinn to giggle.

"I like this," The green-eyed girl says as she watches her.

The Latina smiles at her. "Me too."

"I miss you."

"I was only gone for a few moments and it was worth it, see?" She holds up the Pad Thai triumphantly.

"I mean I miss you even right now."

Santana cocks her head at her. "I'm right here."

"I know. It just feels like you've been away for far too long. I just want to hold you as much as possible. I think it's all just starting to sink in, I've wanted this for so long."

The brunette closes the gap between them and wraps her arm around the blonde. "Come here, you silly."

The blonde closes her eyes and leans into her as she wraps her arm around Santana's neck to bring her closer. She breathes her in. "You and your damn vanilla."

The other girl laughs lightly. "You always smell like lavender…" Feeling Quinn's heat against her makes her sigh contentedly. "It is kind of surreal… Being able to touch you whenever I want to." As if to emphasize her point, she runs a hand along the blonde's thigh.

"And kiss?" The girl looks up at her expectantly.

"Why would I wanna do that?" Santana makes a face causing the other girl to playfully slap her and push her away.

"Mood ruined."

She laughs, "Calm down, will ya? You're the one that wanted to wait. And now we have all the time in the world."

Something about her words seems to make the other girl uneasy as she says, "There's kind of something we need to talk about."

"Can it wait? I'm really hungry."

The other girl nods as she picks up her food. "Yeah, it can wait."

"Good, wouldn't wanna ruin our first official date or anything." She says it teasingly but the other girl seems genuinely worried about it so she doesn't press the issue any further. They both eat in silence for a few moments. "You know, I ran into Harry on my way out."

"Aw, really? Isn't he adorable?"

"He's pretty cool actually. It was funny cause he told me he was going to get green beans even though he didn't like them, he only got them because—" She sits up a little straighter as if lost in thought. "I get it now."

Quinn looks at her in confusion. "Huh?"

"He told me not to forget the green beans."

"You're so weird."

Santana sticks her tongue out at her. "I think you mean wise."

The girl shakes her head as she takes another bite of her Thai food. "I think I know what I mean."

"If you keep being mean to me, I'm not going to let you in my pants."

Quinn cracks up. "Oh my god, you're hopeless." The Latina sets her food down and tackles the other girl to the ground, holding her arms down so she can't fight back. The blonde smiles at her as she sighs defeatedly, "What happened to not letting me in your pants?"

The brunette seems to think about it for a moment. "I might reconsider if you do something for me."

"What's that?"

"Tell me you love me."

"You know I do."

"But I like to hear it."

"Okay… I love you." The green-eyed girl smiles as the Latina leans in close enough so that she's able to feel the warmth of her breath against her lips. "Your turn."

This causes the other girl to pull back slightly as she releases her grip on Quinn's arms. She rolls off of her and props herself up on one of her arms as she faces her. "I love you."

"Don't do that."

"What?"

"Not touch me when you say it," She scoots herself closer to her and wraps herself around her.

"Sorry, I didn't realize—"

"It's okay." The blonde plants a chaste kiss on her lips. "Now say it." She plants another quick kiss on them and smiles when she sees the way they smile back at her.

"I love you."

"Can I _really_ kiss you now?" Quinn asks playfully. "I swear that I'll mean it."

Santana nods as she smiles into the kiss, her arms pulling the blonde girl as close as possible. She feels a tingling sensation shoot through her body as the familiar taste of the girl manages to satisfy and deepen her hunger all at once. For the first time since their first kiss, there's nothing bittersweet about it. The lust has been replaced by a warmer feeling, something that makes them forget about the past. It's a kiss that heals.

When they finally break apart, Santana keeps herself close to Quinn. "So, I knew you were a good kisser but daaamn, girl." She smiles as the blonde laughs. "I kinda wanna jump your bones right now." She nibbles playfully on her ear before nuzzling herself into the girl's neck. "I never thought it was possible for me to love someone as much as I love you."

And suddenly, she feels Quinn's body heat up in a way she hasn't felt before. In one swift movement, she's on top of her covering her in kisses as her hands reintroduce themselves to Santana's body. A mixture of confusion and excitement lace her words as she tries to get the blonde's attention.

"Um, what's happening?"

The green eyes finally find her brown ones as she grins at her. "Relax, babe. I've got this." She plants a confident kiss on her lips, as Santana can't help but laugh/moan.

_Women are just too confusing._

Her body reacts to Quinn's as the girl touches and kisses her in all the right places. Undressing her as she goes. Building her up, up, up until she finally lets go and gives herself over to her completely. A satisfied moan leaving her body as she comes.

When she's done, she settles herself back down next to Santana and gives her a lingering kiss. The surprised look the Latina still wears seems to satisfy her all the more. Not really knowing what just happened, she laughs lightly. "I think I just had déjà vu."

"Really?" The blonde looks at her, curious.

"Yep." The brunette wraps an arm around her, holding her. "I just realized we've met before."

"What? You mean on the subway?"

"No… Once upon a dream… Adolescent wet dream that is." She smiles as she feels the girl's laughter rock her body. "My turn, right?" She raises an eyebrow at her suggestively and waits for a playful slap or remark but instead she's met with an inviting smile and kiss. It's a combo that knocks the wind right out of her.

_Girl knows how to work it._


	18. Chapter 18

The coffee shop is still relatively empty when Santana arrives and starts setting up with the band. She checks her phone every so often waiting for a text from the blonde or expecting to see her walk in through the front door. Ever since their night on the roof, things had been going great for them. It was as if everything was falling into place, almost as if they had picked up after the day they had met on the subway. Sometimes it was hard for the Latina to believe that all the things in between had really happened. There was a naïveté about their love to which the girl couldn't decide whether or not was healthy for them. Regardless, she let herself be swept away with it-with the scent of the lavender and the tender kisses, the feeling that they were invincible. Though every once in a while, she would look at the girl across the room and there would be a tiny crack in the armor, and a realization that the faint memories of things in between the time they met on the subway until now had been real. She would fight off this realization by holding her, kissing her, tasting her, and eventually it would subside. But as the days progressed, the cracks became more apparent, causing the girl to become very scared she was losing the one thing she had fought so hard for: Quinn.

Distracting herself with the task at hand, her heart skips a beat when she finally catches sight of her as she makes her way toward her.

"Hey," The blonde greets her with a small smile and leans over to kiss her.

"Hey, back." She gives her a chaste kiss as she works on setting the microphone up.

"I'll wait at a table until you can talk?" She gestures toward the tables to her left.

"Sounds good. See you in a bit."

She watches as the girl takes a seat, fidgeting with her clothes and phone every so often. The gestures make Santana nervous so she tries to hurry and finish setting up the equipment as fast as possible. When she finally makes her way over to her, she feels a sort of hollow feeling sitting at the pit of her stomach. Her defense mechanisms start to trigger so she quickly tries to make small talk before her tongue gets the best of her.

"How was your day?"

"Pretty good. Amy and I really like the kids we're working with. What about you?"

"It was fine. So…"

"I missed you." She reaches over to press her hand against hers.

Instead of calming her, the words send her into a dizzy spell of confused panic. "Q, what's going on?"

The blonde withdraws her hand. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I know there's something that you have to tell me and we keep dragging it out and it's becoming unbearable."

The girl nods as if she saw this coming. "I'm sorry."

"So, what is it?"

She sighs. "Look, if I could just explain something—"

"Just tell me and then explain afterward."

"Okay… A while ago Betty and I had discussed me going to Korea to teach English there for a little while. It wasn't a big deal at the time because it wasn't a sure thing but recently she told me that they're interested in doing it."

A cold sweat breaks out over Santana's body. She hears the words but she can't seem to fully process them. Suddenly, all the memories of everything they'd been through together hit her. They don't carry the same hurt that they used to but rather remind her of the reality they had been trying to escape. She sits there not sure how to respond causing the blonde to nervously fill the silence.

"I think I'm going to tell them I don't want to do it anymore."

The Latina sits there for a little while longer.

"Please, say something, San."

"I… I don't know what to say."

"Anything would be better than nothing."

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I wanted us to be able to stay in our own little happy bubble if only for a little while longer. We've been through so much together… I thought we deserved it… I think I needed it… I realize now that I was probably being selfish. I just wanted us to be normal for once."

"Normal is overrated."

"Sometimes I think it wouldn't be so bad."

"The normal you're talking about isn't real though, Q. That kind of normal doesn't last. We both know that better than anyone… Part of it is my fault. I think I wanted to ignore it as much as you did but we both knew it couldn't last forever."

"So, what now?"

"I don't know…"

Seeing the storm in the other girl's eyes, she speaks evenly so as not to upset her further.

"I need some time to think about things. It's a lot to process… I think that this is a decision we need to make together."

The girl looks at her now, eyebrow raised. "Do you want me to go?"

"I—"

"I mean go as in… here. Leave here."

"If you think it's best."

The blonde bites her lower lip and gives a slight nod. "Okay." She removes herself from her chair and stands up to leave.

The whole scene panics Santana, as it feels a little too familiar. She remembers watching her walk away. She remembers not being able to stop her. She remembers how she never looked back. The blonde reaches the door of the coffee shop before she calls out to her. "Quinn."

Their eyes meet briefly as the girl turns at the sound of her name, her hand resting on the handle of the door. Striking green against Santana's dark chestnut. A look passes between them as they both know that it's not about words anymore, but rather a sad sort of acknowledgement of their current situation. The girl leaves the coffee shop as the brunette watches her go. It was worth it, she thinks, if only to see her face one last time.

_[\\]_

The blonde sits in her living room with Amy and Jeremy spread out beside her. Having already eaten and kept the conversation light, she knows they're here for a reason.

"So, what did she say?" The brunette says not being able to control herself.

"Not much. Just that we need to make the decision together so we'll talk about it soon. I think I'm ready to get everything out on the table but I'm not sure what I'm going to say… Not sure what I'm going to do either."

"It's not an ideal situation but I think you guys will be okay," Amy says trying to make her friend feel better.

It doesn't seem to work too well though because Quinn only nods somewhat sadly. "I hope so… Going to Korea seemed like the thing to do at the time but I'm just not sure anymore. Now I have a reason to stay."

"I think Betty would understand if you decided not to do it."

"But at the same time, when am I ever going to get the opportunity to go to Korea again? If I don't go, what if I get offered a similar opportunity? Do I just say no every time? This is seriously killing me."

Jeremy scoots closer to her and puts an arm around her shoulder. "Hey, listen to me, Q. Things are going to be okay. You'll make the right decision for both of you, I'm sure of it."

"It's just so weird. When I'm with her, it's kind of like nothing else exists. We're together and we love each other but then when we're apart, I start to question things. There's a certain uncertainty about things between us that I can't shake. I don't know if I'm just scared of losing her or what it is, but if it's like this now, I can't imagine what it will be like if I leave the country again… I don't think we could survive it."

"What are you afraid of?"

"The second I get on the plane, she'll change her mind. Maybe she'll find another girl to hook up with. I just don't know. I saw how she was with Haley. I know she loves me but sometimes I'm not sure if it's enough. We've spent the past however many days pretending like we never hurt each other but the thing is that we have, sometimes without meaning to. We've gotten past it but I kinda feel like this is it, you know? And it's not just Santana it's me, too. I find my own little ways to fuck things up because the truth is no matter how much I want to believe in the whole notion that love can last a lifetime, I keep thinking about how miserable my parents made each other." She sighs exasperatedly. "But then there are times when it's just like _god_, we're perfect together… Almost like we're… I don't know."

Amy and Jeremy exchange a look, seeing the exhaustion take a toll on their friend. Finally Amy speaks up. "You guys just need to talk it out. See where your heads are at."

The blonde nods. "You're right. Anything is better than this."

She picks up her phone, deciding to text Santana.

**I'm ready to meet when you are.**

_[\\]_

The Latina sighs as she rests her head against the tattered wall of the pub. She reads Quinn's text but not knowing how to respond, she puts her phone down. Brittany sits across from her in their booth as she picks at the nachos in front of her, only eating the ones with that don't have green onions on them.

"I feel like going to sleep for five years straight and then waking up when things seem a lot less complicated."

"I think that's only possible if you kill yourself and then have your brain frozen."

"The science nerds are going to outlive all of us."

"So, what do you think you guys are going to do?" The blonde asks curiously.

"I don't know… You're supposed to be helping me figure it out."

The girl chuckles, "Sorry, I've never been in this situation before so I don't know what I'd do either… Did she say how long she'd have to be gone?"

"Not exactly. I didn't think about asking. Not that it matters since it would feel like forever no matter how long she was gone… The worst part is that when she told me she was thinking about not going I was actually happy about it. Now I feel like a selfish shithead for even thinking it."

"It's understandable though. She must feel the same way if she's thinking about staying."

"I just don't think it's fair. There's no good way to go about it. If she stays, she could end up resenting me for it and I don't like thinking that I'm the only reason she'd be staying. Feels like a little too much responsibility. On the other hand, I want her to stay so badly. We're finally in a good place. Such a conundrum."

"Huh?"

"Sorry, Quinn's been making me read these flashcards she makes up for her students and it makes me feel like I'm back in school studying for the spelling bee."

"I never studied for those things."

"One time I was disqualified for commenting on one of the judge's outfits."

"Bitches."

Santana laughs in spite of herself. "Word."

"Well, at least you guys are finally talking things out. Neither one of you left in tears, that's a step up."

"True… I actually managed not to say all the wrong things for once. Has maturity finally caught up with me?"

"Or are you just whipped?"

The Latina glares at her. "God, bite me."

"Well, I guess that answers that." The blonde says teasingly.

"Briiiittttt, you're supposed to be making me feel better."

"That's what the beer is for."

When the girl still glares at her, she gives a small sigh.

"Okay, okay… Well, let's look at it this way: do you want to be with Quinn?"

"Yes."

"Would her staying or going change that?"

"No…"

"Well, you have to let her know that then."

"You're so smart."

"Most people would disagree with you."

"Most people don't matter."

The Latina pulls out her phone and shoots a quick text to Quinn.

"**Ok. When/where works for you?"**

The girl's response is almost immediate.

"**Let's meet on my rooftop tmrw night around 8."**


	19. Chapter 19

As the Latina makes her way to Quinn, her heart pounds loudly in her chest. Her blood rushes to the edges of her skin, feeling as if it's trying to find a way to escape her body. There's a dull pounding in her head as she takes a step toward the apartment building across the street. She makes her way inside, the door feeling like it weighs more than she can carry.

_This is it. Please, god, say the right things._

She presses the elevator button. Waiting. Trying to remember her words. Failing. Trying to steady her heart. Pounding. Trying not to panic. Panicking anyway.

_[\\]_

The blonde stands by the edge of the rooftop watching the lights of the city shift in front of her eyes, never staying still for more than a moment. They chase one another from building to building as people hurry about on the sidewalk. Many have their heads down as if they're focusing on what awaits them whenever they get to where they're going. She wonders where these places these might be, or whom they're going to meet.

Part of the reason the cityscape had become one of her favorite things about New York was the ambiguity of it all. She found that it calmed her to know that she wasn't alone-that everyone else was just as lost as she was. It kept her from losing herself.

As she stares out into the night, a cool breeze washes over her, carrying a soft voice along with it.

"Hey."

She turns around to see the familiar brown eyes that she had come to love, the warmth of them filling her up. A not so subtle smile plays across her delicate features as she takes them in. "You're here."

The brunette smiles at her a bit quizzically. "I've always been here, Q."

They stare at each other a little longer before the Latina finally makes her way over to her, standing next to the girl as they lean against the short wall surrounding the rooftop.

"It's pretty tonight," The girl remarks, a far away look in her eye.

Quinn nods in agreement. "It's always pretty."

They stay like this for a few moments, letting themselves enjoy the simplicity of one another's presence before Santana breaks the silence. "I feel like there's so much to say… I'm not really sure where to begin."

The blonde smiles a bit, "I know the feeling."

"The thing is, I don't want you to go, Quinn…" She feels the green eyes find their way to her as she looks back out at the sky. "But more than that, I do want you to go… Because I know it will make you happy."

The Latina hears the sharp intake of breath she takes, the girl's words coming out as she releases it, "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything… I know you felt like maybe you had to stay here for me but that's not the case. I can take care of myself and as much as I'd like to see you every day, we need to be reasonable about this. I'm not going to be the one to hold you back."

"I thought you didn't like being reasonable."

"It's not that I like it. Like you said though, sometimes we have to be practical about things."

"Yeah…" She bites the side of her cheek, looking away from the girl now.

"Have I said something wrong?"

"No, you're right. I know you're right… Part of me wanted you to ask me to stay… Even though I'm not entirely sure that it would've changed the outcome of things… I just don't know what it means for us now." A hint of sadness seeps out of her words as she feels the girl's eyes studying her.

"I know what it means for me… It means that I have to let you go a little bit longer… Before, I thought that letting go meant walking away from someone. I know now that I was wrong. It just means letting someone be happy apart from you. As long as you want me, I'll be here… I'm not saying it won't be hard not being able to see whenever I want to because it will. When you love someone you just want to them all to yourself."

There's a pause before the blonde speaks. "Santana, I—"

"Quinn, I need you to know something…" She takes the girl's hand in hers, looking into blazing green eyes, their intensity matching hers. "I'm _so_ in love with you… In a way that makes sense past the next few months or even the next however many years. I think I have been ever since the first time I saw you on the subway. Not because I knew who you were or even because you were so beautiful, I couldn't help but stare at you the whole eight blocks it took to get to my stop, but because when you looked at me, I suddenly started trying again… I was lost and you've made me a better person just for knowing you... You kept me from giving up on myself and for that, I think I've always loved you… I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it."

The girl's breathing is ragged as the words make their way to her ears, and as they do, she allows herself to _hear_ them. They're words that cause her entire body to radiate warmth, words that make her feel whole in places she didn't know felt incomplete. They're just words, yes. But there's a meaning behind them, a sincere plea. There's a look in the other girl's eyes that says everything her words can't.

Quinn's head feels heavy and dizzy. Her tongue feels swollen so that when she tries to talk, no words come out. So instead she kisses her. She flings her arms around the girl's neck and brings her into her. It's a passionate kiss. It's a kiss that forgives, a kiss of promise. It's a kiss that quells any lingering insecurity. When she opens her eyes, she can't help the smile that overtakes her. She plants tiny kisses along Santana's jawline, soaking her in.

"I have something for you," The Latina says as she smiles.

"What? No, I don't need anything more than _this_," She says giving her a playful kiss.

"Don't worry. It's not that exciting… Dance with me?" Santana pulls away for a moment to take out her phone and queues up some music.

The opening of the song causes Quinn to smile widely as she quirks an eyebrow at her. "I thought you didn't get this song?"

"Maybe I do… Also, it's the Louis Armstrong version so there's that."

The blonde laughs and throws her arms back around her as they sway to the music. She buries herself in the girl's neck and sighs contentedly. Not fully believing the girl is real. She sings softly into her ear, as if telling her the things she couldn't find the words to say herself.

"_When you press me to your heart,_

_I'm in a world apart,_

_A world where roses bloom._

_And when you speak angels sing from above,_

_Everyday words seem to turn into love songs._

_Give your heart and soul to me,_

_And life will always be,_

_La vie en rose."_

As the trumpets play out the final moments of the song, Santana dips her a little causing the girl to laugh to again. As the girl draws closer she smiles into her kiss.

_[\\]_

The day Quinn leaves New York the weather is stale. It's neither bright and sunny or entirely overcast; the air just seems to hang there heavily. With her suitcases already packed in the taxi, the blonde sits anxiously in the back seat waiting for them to approach their destination. The rush of the late afternoon traffic seems to have died down as he pulls over to the curb.

"I'll only be a minute," She says to the driver as she gets out of the cab.

She approaches the club, taking a minute to take it in as seeing it in the daylight makes it looks so different. As she enters, she sees the brunette talking to the managers behind the bar. A soft smile plays across her lips as the memory of a familiar scene plays in her mind.

"Santana, right?"

The girl spins around, a playful smile on her lips. "Subway girl?"

"I'm not sure I'm sold on the nickname," She says as she leans across the bar to give her a kiss.

"You ready?"

Quinn nods affirmatively as the Latina says goodbye to the managers and they leave the club together. Their taxi ride to the airport is mostly silent as they just sit in the back seat holding each other. The brunette occasionally leans over to plant small kisses along Quinn's face and collarbone as she uses her fingers to gently trace up and down her spine. Trying to memorize her body while she still has the chance. The other girl rests her head on her shoulder, holding onto her tightly. Losing herself in the vanilla.

Once they reach the airport, they remove Quinn's luggage from the trunk and make their way inside. It seems that everyone except for them is hurriedly moving along, as they walk slowly as possible to the security check in. When they've gone as far as they can go, they stop and face each other for a long moment.

The blonde sighs a little sadly. "Goodbyes suck."

"You won't be gone that long. Don't think of it as a goodbye." Santana pulls her close by grabbing onto her jacket.

"Is this our version of a happy ending?" Quinn laughs lightly.

"Happy endings are overrated."

"You think most things are overrated."

"True… But especially happy endings."

"Why's that?"

"Real love stories don't have endings, Q." As she says it, she draws her into a sweeping kiss.

They lose themselves in each other for a little while longer, ignoring the curious onlookers. When they finally pull apart, they lean in for one final, chaste kiss. There's a certainty in the kiss that comforts both of them as Quinn reaches down to pick up her suitcase.

"I'll see you soon," She says with an airy smile.

The Latina nods. "See you soon."

The blonde turns around and makes her way into line. Santana watches her as she gets swept away in the crowd of people, her delicate figure moving further and further away from her. For some reason, she doesn't feel panicked. She doesn't feel the need to call out to her. Perhaps for the same reason, Quinn turns around to face her one last time without her provocation. A knowing smile splayed across her beautiful lips.

* * *

_A/N: So this is where I had originally intended to end the story but I'm open to the possibility of adding an epilogue later on if there's enough interest. I'd also like to take a moment to thank all of my readers for their continued support. Means a lot. x_


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